STORYBOUTAGIRL.ORG

It’s final… I am about to make, or rather my hand was kinda forced but it’s all good, to make a change. A huge one for me… I am leaving the city I have been in for about 10 years!

I am moving December 1st. With my family. We are moving to Windsor, a town about an hour away from Halifax and Dartmouth. I’m both excited and a little bit sad. I really did not want to leave the city. All my friends are here. But I wont be that far away. And I will be in the city every day for work so it’s not like it’ll matter a lot. It’s just going to make it a lot harder to just up and do something. Now everything will have to be planned ahead of time. And some people I know are not too good at that.

I’m going to try it for a while but if I find the commute to hard then I’m gonna have to do one of 2 things. Find a job closer by. But since I am finally starting to like the job again and I am starting to make the revenue I need to get days. Or to at the very least make more money I am thinking I may stay there and move myself back into the city. I have already started to look for accommodations in the city. Like a room in an apartment where I share the rent with someone. I really can’t afford it but I may not have a choice.

I am going to try it for a bit because other then the fact there is no high speed internet where I am moving and no cable (but we do have satellite!). It is an ideal location. I plan on doing some skiing and snowboarding this winter and since my friends want to too and I will be minutes from Wentworth it is an ideal location. So I’m both excited that I am moving there and sad that I am leaving the city.

On another note I had found a pre-made theme that I really like and am going to try (try being the key word there) to stick with for a while just as it is. It’s pretty and simple. Who cares if I made it or someone else did right? I just don’t have the time right now to try and play around with something I am not sure of. I will eventually maybe try and edit this theme and customize it after I get tired of it. But I really like the colors so other then the logo I am not doing anything to it.

So… my weekend sucked. As far as weekends go. And I don’t really feel like “talking” about it. So I wont. But I did learn one thing. You can not get lost on the back roads of Nova Scotia. Especially if you drive as much as I do. No matter where I went I seemed to find a place I recognized. Ever feel like you just want to loose yourself somewhere? Well I was upset enough I tried. But it really didn’t work. It sorta backfired on me. Oh well… I got a nice drive out of it. Thank god gas has dropped price! Tomorrow is a new week. Well technically today is actually. So I guess it was a bad start to what had better be a good week? One can only hope…

Friday, I finally got a good sale at work that put me up over $2300 for the night! That was more then I made the previous 4 nights combined x 2.5! So it was a good start to an otherwise shitty weekend. So it’s $45 in my pocket on Monday. And for once I have made it almost through a 2 week period with money left over. At least I can be proud of that right?

As I get closer and closer to Christmas I find myself feeling more and more depressed. I hate Christmas time so much. I keep trying to tell myself this one will be better. That this time something bad will not happen. And every year I get a kick in the ass. And I’m reminded I’m human. And humans suck sometimes.

I keep telling myself that one day soon everything will become clear and I’ll finally understand everything that has ever happened to me and those around me. My family, my friends. The people I love who always seem to be hurting even though I have no idea how to help or what I can do. It drags me down with them. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I would rather have someone who is angry at me then not have someone at all. But isn’t that messed up?

Sometimes I feel like I get lost in things around me. That I get so wrapped up in everyone else’s problems that I tend to forget my own. Or I worry to much about my own and tend to forget other people have problems too. It’s a vicious cycle that I can’t seem to break. And it causes me to fight with everyone. But yet I can see other people I love doing it too. Getting so lost in their own thoughts and feelings that they forget I exist. I always feel like I’m one step from falling off the face of the earth and that no one would really notice.

I sometimes feel like I am trying to substitute something that I feel like I am missing in my life with the next best thing… I feel like I am stuck somewhere I don’t wanna be. But it’s really not true! I have people in my life that I just don’t know if they should be there. Or that maybe they don’t want to be there. But I care about them so much that I’d do just about anything for them. But am I really helping them? Am I helping myself? I feel like I am always doing them wrong. That I am hurting them more then I am helping them. Life is so short and I don’t want to miss out on anything.

But, where do I draw the line? When do I say enough is enough… Do I walk away and say fuck it? Or do I try and stick it out and do what my heart tells me is right? Even if no one around me agrees with me? I don’t need to tell anyone anything. They can see it on my face. They can here it in the way I talk. They know I am not happy. But they also know that I am trying. That I really do care. But I sometimes feel like it’s not enough. That I’m not enough.

Shit, I meant this to be a one paragraph post saying I didn’t want to say anything… and instead I said more then I even comprehend right now. One day all this shit will fall away and things will fall into place and I wont feel so lost and alone as I do right now. Until then…

My doctor prescribed Celebrex for my joint pain. I filled the prescription a few days ago and so far out of 3 days I have forgotten 2! I can remember to take birth control but I forget everything else. My minds just not into it. But I got to start taking it and see if it helps. I’m still coming home from work and falling asleep and then waking up late in the day and going right to work. I have no life during the week at all. I just am so tired I want to sleep all the time. I’m getting suggestions thrown at me all over the place. One person said Fibromyalgia. Another Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. But I think it’s best for me to just let the doctor worry about it. Maybe it’s as simple as trying to sleep regular hours. I doubt it’ll help with the pain but maybe it’ll help with the fatigue. All though I have had it off and on for almost 6 years. It’s worse now but what can I do. I’m just tired of trying to figure it out.

I am thinking of making a few more themes and skinning the site so that people can choose whatever skin they want rather then being stuck with this winter one. Though it is kinda cute. I have nothing here really other then a blog anyways. I have no time to really do anything else with it. There is one thing I really would like to do. But I need to purchase another domain for. As odd as it sounds I want to make a site for ghost stories. There is one site I used to go to all the time called Castle of Spirits that is really good. I don’t want a cheesy ghost story site that is poorly put together but one that is well done with lots of classic ghost stories and some local ones as well. Something mainly Canadian but mostly focusing on Atlantic Canada and the Maritimes. Maybe with Folklore and other stuff as well. Something unique! I love history and I love folklore and I love ghosts. So maybe combining it might give me something to do.