I miss my boyfriend…

It seems a really odd thing to say when he is sitting here next to me on the dock fishing but it’s kinda true.

It’s a bit hard to explain but lately I feel like he is slowly slipping away from me. It’s hard sometimes to get him out of the house, with the exception of going fishing, which he usually readily agrees to.

I don’t know if it is depression, boredom, pain or something else but sometimes it just feels like he is here, but not here. It feels as if we are strangers living together. It’s so hard to get him to talk.

We talk about current affairs, things we’ve done, shows we’ve seen, etc. However the topic of the future always causes a topic change, or even downright avoidance. We can’t seem to get past the basics.

I know he’s concerned about his disease and the progress of it. I know the future is unknown. I know he is frustrated, confused, concerned and even depressed about it. I just wish he’d talk to me.

Intimacy seems to have dried up for the time being. We can’t seem to do much more then say good night and cling to our own side of the bed. It scares me.

I am hanging in and have no plans on giving up, however I really don’t know what to do. I really miss him. Simple as that.

The fireworks mess-up and my Birthday.

So if you’ve read any of the comments on my previous post you’ll know that I did not get any pictures of setting the fireworks off on the beach. Of the whole trip really. I did get a few instagram pictures with my iPhone of the trip but nothing really spectacular. We got half way to Digby before I realized that I had taken my camera out of my car the night before to take some pictures off of it and forgot to put it back in. I was not a happy camper (litterally I guess)

Taking pictures with my iPhone of fireworks never worked before when I had the iPhone 4 so I just assumed that it would not work this time. I guess I was wrong about that too. I found a lot of sites that show decent pictures of fireworks with the iPhone. Oh well…

I borrowed my Mom’s camera but I have to say I do not like it. All I got of the fireworks was some streaks, which could look pretty neat if it was pictures of streaks I wanted, however it was not. Even when trying to take pictures of trees uprooted, downed power lines and stuff from Arthur (which was downgraded to a powerful tropical storm from a category 2 hurricane by the time it hit) it did not work very well.

Now that I have the worst part out of the way I will move on and end on a more upbeat note.

I had a wonderful birthday and a really great weekend. Camping in a tropical storm ended up being really fun. Cory and I sat up all night in a tent near the camper, one of those big utility ones that you can park a car in, and both listened to the sound of the rain, surf and wind and also tried to keep the tent from caving in as it was bunching up with water in some areas.  I had to use a broom to push the tent up enough the water came down the other side.

The next day my brother got sick and asked to go home and since it did not seem all that bad around us my Mom asked Cory and I to take Denton and Zach (a friend of Denton’s) home to Cornwallis. We started out and the closer we got to Cornwallis we realized the more we should not have been on the road.

The wind was really bad and the rain was just driving down on the car and there was downed power lines (some were live) and trees everywhere blocking roads. We continued on cause it was closer to Cornwallis then back to the beach (Griffin’s Cove), however when we were literally on the outskirts of town there was a large tree down across the road and power lines everywhere and the Fire Department had the road blocked off. The only other way on the base was to drive another hour and come at it from the other side. It was closer to go back to the beach so we did.

We spent most of the weekend playing games, sunbathing and walking along the beach and going for a drive to see the damage when the storm let up. A friend of the families told us there was power and gas stations open down in Little Brook and Meteghan. There wasn’t. So we ended up cutting that short and heading back to the beach.

Overall it was a lot of fun and was really interesting. I just wish I had pictures.

We are a little cash broke at the moment due to the down payment on our car so there will likely not be any long trips this weekend or stray far from home. I am going out tomorrow morning with Cory’s sister and her friend to a beach (lake) not far away but it is always crowded and we plan on going in the water so I don’t plan on bringing my camera (or anything of value for that matter) with me.