I really don’t like insomnia…

I’m really having an issue with not being tired, despite the fact I had next to no sleep last night and was at the hospital all day today with Cory. I just can’t sleep. I don’t even feel tired at all. Compared to a someone that 3 months ago could never make it past 10pm, I just can’t shake the feeling this is not normal for me.

I did suffer from insomnia years and years ago when I was having issues with anxiety and panic attacks but that has not plagued me for a good 5-6 years. It took a while to get it under control and get back on some sort of schedule and I am concerned it might be happening again. Not the anxiety or panic so much. But the insomnia/trouble sleeping/sleeplessness. I think I can kinda blame it a little on this site as well. And the stuff that is going on in my life right now. But still. I hate to think of it happening again.

The only other thing I can think of is the pain is keeping me up. I’m in a lot more pain then I let on to people around me. You know the feeling of pain and pressure you get when in an airplane (especially if you just had an ear infection or have ear issues)? Well I am getting that 24/7.

I noticed something else today. The insides of my ears feel swollen. I was feeling intense pressure in my right ear earlier so I – for whatever reason – stuck my finger in my ear a bit. Just like as if you have a hair that has gone in your ear and made it itchy and you need to fish it out. Doing this, I found the inside of my ear swollen, with a few little bumps like blisters in it. It really hurts.

When we decided to take Cory to the hospital earlier he asked if I was okay to drive. I have not driven in over a month and only drove a few times in the month before that. I had not up till that point experienced any vertigo, nausea, pain, etc. Plus I knew he would be in the car with me. At this point I figured he was worse off them me so I said yes. And I drove for the first time in over a month. And I did okay!

At the hospital however after sitting for a bit I had to pee and stood up. And just about went flat on my face. Thank god for things to grab onto. After that point I experienced it a few more times. I still drove home but made sure Cory was sitting up, talking to me and alert so if anything happened he could at least grab the wheel. I don’t want to drive again anytime soon. Am I being overly cautious? I just don’t know. But why take chances with my life or anybody else’s.

I’m just glad I have not got sick today at all, haven’t even really felt nauseous… yay for small blessings.

A bad case of food poisoning!

So I was woken up at 8am by Cory pretty much screaming my name. I went into the bathroom and he was pretty much doubled over in pain and pooping blood! Talk about scaring the shit out of me.

Last night we got hungry around 12am and decided to order from Alexandra’s a local pizza place. He got a donair sub and I got garlic fingers with bacon on them. Prior to that we both had spicy fries and Jane’s chicken fingers for lunch. Not very healthy I know… but that’s beside the point!

Anyways about an hour after eating the donair sub he was in the washroom and was there most of the night. By this morning it was just blood. He was terrified but at the same time was embarrassed I think to tell me. Eventually he did and I forced (not that it took much) him to go to the Emerg.

Since the donair sub was the only think that we did not have in common. Since I think they (donairs) are disgusting. If I wanted to eat a piece of leather on a pita bread I’d go eat a piece of leather on a pita. But anyways. It was the only thing it could have been and it corresponded to the pain and all that too well to be a coincidence.

We spent from 8am to 3pm in the hospital hoping like hell it was nothing more then food poisoning. Now I’ve had food poisoning before but I had never heard of it causing you to essentially poop blood, nothing else, just blood. Talk about scary.   All the stuff that went through my mind…

So now he is at home curled up on the couch with me here and watching Pawn Stars (love it!) and resting fairly comfortably right now. He is restricted to a clear liquid diet for 2-3 days which should be interesting, he’s a guy, they love food.

And I love you babe. So much.

New theme

There now I finally have a theme that I am happy with! I’m hoping to leave it up at least a month and maybe work on a few more themes that I can chose from later if I want. A theme a month maybe or a theme a season. Something like that.

In the meantime this theme is available for download on the themes page… Yay.

More things to think about

I’ve pretty much been sick all day again today. I talked to one of my coaches at work, didn’t even recognize her at first even though she is one of my favorite people in the world. She wanted to update the project manager on how long to expect me to be out. Since I am not really sure I pretty much said that. But we figured it will take a month or so to get into the ENT so like a month or two.

That’s kinda concerning money wise. EI pays you next to nothing (like 55% or something). So now I need to add that stress onto everything else. Cory gets paid good but it is not fair for him to take on what I can not pay for. And besides even if he tried it would still not be enough. Not sure what we’re gonna do there. I have tried to figure out what we could do without and we can’t really cut back much more. It’s kinda frustrating. I’ve never been very good at finances.

I was thinking about getting rid of TV but I need to chat more with Cory about it. I hate bringing stuff like that up though. Part of me figures I can just wait it out and try and get back to work ASAP but I have to face the fact that before I went on the leave of absence things were so slow they were offering voluntary leave early or VLE everyday and were letting lots of people leave early. From what I’m told it’s no better now. In the past I have always lucked out and been able to work on other projects but I doubt that would happen just after coming back from a leave of absence.

I am torn between wanting to go back to work, but being scared to. When you literally have seconds to get to the washroom before you puke all over the place and constantly feel like your about to fall over it’s really hard to work. Especially when you are on a phone call and can not hang up. I am sure if worse came to worse I could place the caller on hold and run to the washroom. I’m sure they would rather that then cleaning vomit off of the floor lol…

Anyways, I’ve created another WordPress theme already. I have not coded it yet, it’s just a concept I may start coding it tomorrow. But I think I am getting progressively better with them. I wanted something spring like to leave up for a month or two at this rate I am changing them every 2-3 days lol… the sites only been up a few weeks.

It Came From No Where.

I just had a really bad headache come out of no where, started to get nauseous. I thought I was gonna get sick so I got up and everything started spinning. I fell (didn’t get hurt). I made it to the washroom, got sick a few times and made it back to the couch. I called my mom I was feeling so dizzy. Not that she can do anything for me from 265km away but still felt better having her on the phone with me. I wish I knew what was wrong. I hate feeling like this.