Doctor’s visit today

This is really the last thing I should be doing right now. I have a miserable miserable headache and am nauseous as hell but I just need to write things down. Over the last few days I have been making a mental note of what symptoms are better, what symptoms are the same, what symptoms are new and better ways of describing them so that the ENT would understand what I was talking about.

One word seemed to have stood out. I said I felt like a bobble-head. Have you ever looked at one that was on a dash of a car and seen them bobbing around and thinking man if he was real he must be really feeling sick by now. That’s how it feels to me. Like my head is in perpetual motion even when I am not. It makes me feel so sick. It’s not even my head really. It’s inside… like my brain or eyes or something.

When I mentioned the Celexa making me feel moody, fatigued and even depressed he mentioned he was concerned about that but needed to give it a try. So he’s switching me to Cipralex. I still don’t complete understand the connection between an anti-anxiety medication and whatever it is that I have but right now the more I try and look up and understand the more confused and frustrated I am becoming.

I’ve always been told when going to the doctor for something that no matter how minor or unrelated a symptom can seem that you should always mention it anyways. But I would need to write a god dammed novel for them. I don’t know how much longer I can take feeling like this. I don’t know if it is now just anxiety about going back to work without a complete diagnosis or prognosis or if it is something else.

On top of that apparently the Cipralex is not usually covered by a lot of insurance companies and usually needs special authorization. Which means I wont get on it right away. I don’t have the money to pay for it so hopefully they will give the authorization and cover it.

I mentioned the fact that my ears still hurt and I still have the fluttering and pressure but he said they looked fine.  I feel so sore all over and so tired. At least I wont be back to work full-time for at least another six weeks.

My mom and I were talking today about MS. My first cousin, my father’s first cousin and my fathers uncle all had MS. As well as there is at least 2-3 other people on that side that died from MS like symptoms before MS diagnosis was either possible or probable and some of the symptoms I have are similar to the symptoms my cousin started having after his diagnosis.

Oddly enough he did not even have symptoms at diagnosis. A back and head injury from hockey showed MS lesions on his brain and spinal cord and he was told his diagnosis before he really had any symptoms. He is now 42 (early 40’s anyways) and is in a wheel chair, has trouble talking and is in assisted living. Thinking about that is just scaring me more… way to look on the bright side of things!

I just wish there was a more definitive way to say it is this or it is that… and none of this jumping back and forth between diagnosis shit.

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