Mental Illness & Me

This is always a tough topic for most people to talk about and I am no exception. I really wish I had some of my posts from my blogs from the worst phase, depression wise in my life. They would really provide me with some insight I think into the way my mind works sometimes and maybe some insight for other people in my life to see where I was then and where I am now. I don’t want to say that it is all a thing of the past for me, because it is not. I still and always will suffer from depression, anxiety and panic disorder. It’s not something I think that will ever 100% fully will go away for me.

However, that being said I think I am at one of the best points I have ever been in my life in regards to mental illness and me. That doesn’t mean I don’t still get depressed and have bad thoughts. Not talking suicidal, I have not had those in many many years. I do still sometimes think very negatively about some things that have happened to me past or present. Much like anyone would I guess. I don’t want to say I suffer from PSD because I don’t but sometimes I do have a little bit of stress from past traumas or past life experiences that have affected me. I’m not really going to get into detail about them right now. I’m not sure if there is posts about them on this blog or not but feel free to dig if you want to know. I can’t honestly remember what’s there. READ MORE

April Recap

I want to start posting doing a post each month about my goals for the following month and pick 3 goals that I would like to achieve for the coming month. I would also like to do a post as well at the end of the month of a monthly recap of 3 things that have happened in my life over the last month. I have created a category for each.

Here is a recap of what happened in April. READ MORE

Insulin & Glucose Monitoring

I am such a baby sometimes. I hate pain. I hate pricking my fingers to test my blood sugar, hence the Freestyle Libre FGM (Flash Glucose Monitor) on my arm. There have been points in my journey so far with learning how to control my blood sugar levels where I have literally had panic attacks when trying to or thinking of checking my blood sugar  with my Contour Next One or giving myself an insulin injection. It’s not so bad now that I am only taking Basaglar once a day and only need to test when my blood sugar levels are changing rapidly  or don’t match how I feel and otherwise can just scan my arm.

When checking my blood sugar with my blood glucose meter instead of the FGM I found it quite painful each and every time I tested. My fingers were a mess as I imagine any diabetics who doesn’t use a FGM or CGM would be and who tests often. They were bruised and sore and sometimes when I pricked my finger and got no blood and so I would squeeze it would not only come out of the hole I just punctured but also sometimes out of old ones as well. It got so painful I would skip checking and wait until I felt really horrible before checking which is why I decided I wanted to see if Manulife would cover the Freestyle Libre and asked my doctor about it after his receptionist who uses it told me about it. Now when I have to use my old machine to test since I do it only occasionally I find I’m not as hesitant and somehow it doesn’t seem to hurt as much. READ MORE

Leave of Absence

After a lot of stressing, talking, more stressing and more talking; Eddie and I have come to the conclusion that I need to take a Leave of Absence from work for the summer.  Three and a half months to be exact. Returning September 1st, 2016. It was not an easy decision to make and stressful in itself because we just bought a new car and our payments are more, where was I going to get money since there is no paid leave here?

But thanks to my mother and my sister-in-law it is going to be possible. My mom contacted her boss and asked if I could take in some typing (transcription work) to do at home and my sister-in-law has asked me to babysit her kids part-time. Between the two I should make just enough and can do it from home for the summer and still have enough to pay my part of the bills. In September I’ll re-asses. I got a doctors note and yesterday was my last day till September. READ MORE

Trapped under ice

Ever wonder what you are doing on the earth? Like, what your purpose in life is? I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I feel so much like something is missing. Like I am not living up to my full potential and that there is something more that I need to do.

I can’t help but wonder what it is. Does everyone think like this? Am I the only one? Sometimes I feel like I just have so many questions. I have been thinking a lot about people in my life that are no longer in my life. I don’t mean ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, or people I have known briefly. I mean my friends and family who have lived and died. READ MORE