I don’t know how to explain how I feel to you. I care about you very deeply. I wont say I’m in love with you. Because I really have no idea if it is. I’m not really sure if I’ve felt love for anyone before. I’ve thought I have but looking back I just don’t really know. Someone told me love is love. Period. But what’s that really mean? I have no idea. All I know is the more time I spend with you. The more I want to spend time with you. I’m really curious about you. And I love being around you. I like you a lot and want to know eveything about you… I know that’s not possible. There are things people just aren’t willing to share. And believe me when I say I understand that.

But I want to, more then anything, be a real friend to you. Like you have to me. I want to be there for you when your hurt or sick or need a shoulder to lean on. I also want to share the joy and triumphs with you. I’m not saying I want to be with you forever or marry you. Life’s short and who knows what the future will bring. But I so wish that I could be these things to you.

It hurts sitting here writting this. All day all I could think about was the fact you’d be in pain. And not feeling great. More then anything I just wanted to leave work and go to you. Maybe it’s just my desire to have people around me when I’m feeling under the weather. I want people near me. I want people to care for me. I want a hug or someone to tell me they love me or care about me. Maybe it’s just that that makes me want to be near you. But I just do. I hate the thought of you being in pain.

I really enjoyed our walk through the gardens the other day. It was so serene and such a gorgeous day out. I felt you opened up a little more to me. And I really appriciate that fact you felt comfertable enough to do that. I never want to take you or your friendship for granted. In such a short time you’ve become a very important part of my life. One I’ll always cherish reguardless of what happens.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the guts to show this too you. But I needed to “say” it. It’s been waying on me for weeks. I love you Hun. In what way, I don’t know. But I do know your a very important person in my life. And hope you will stay in my life for a long time.

another day

Today was just another day. Nothing spectacular happened. Nothing even new happened. Was a typical day. Not boring but not great either. Just lonely.

So why is it that the harder I try not to like him. Or worse love him. The more I fall? It’s annoying as hell. I just wish that things could be wasy. That I could like fall out of love or something. Is that possible?

We downtown the other day. I had Tuesday and Wednesday off. And he’s been working two jobs part time plus school fulltime so he doesn’t get much time to do things with people. He asked me Tuesday what I was doing on Wednesday. I said nothing really. So we decided to do something during the day in the late afternoon before supper.

So we went downtown and walked around in some of the little shops down there. We went in Little Mysteries. It’s sorta a new age shop. Has books, gems, stones, tarot cards, and lots of incence. Then we walked further down Barrington and just stopped in a few shops along the way. Like Venus envy :D. Lol.

Then we went up Spring Garden to Park Lane and walked around the mall some. I wanted to go into the body shop. Then we went to the Public Gardens and spent about an hour walking around the gardens and just talking. It was so nice. The more time I spend the harder it is…

Last night we talked for a few minutes on MSN and he said he was gonna run and get something to eat then post to his LJ. But he didn’t till after I went to bed. never mentioned nothing. But supposedly he is going to get his wisdom teeth pulled today. He had a consultation with the doctor yesterday and they said that they were booking for December. So he went to book and they said how’s tomorrow… hah poor thing. Anyways he never said a word. Oh well… I’m just a friend after all right… nothing else. But still… kinda hurt though.

I bought us tickets to see KMFDM at the attic on Oct 8th. As a present Anyways… work calls