maybe I’m amazed…

Ok after tonight I am truly convinced that even if things don’t go as planned and even if you have the worst day in the world. Just a few hours can make all the difference in the world. Sometimes if your plans fail. And you think nothing could be worse. Just go with it and maybe something better will happen! There is always a silver lining! And if someone cares, even if your not sure how much, then it can make a world of difference.


Dan and I went to see Slither at Bayer’s Lake last night. We weren’t really sure what we were going to do just I was going to pick him up at his place at 8. We headed to Halifax and went to Chapters for a bit. Then went to see a movie. It wasn’t too bad. Maybe technically not worth the $10.75 each (plus pop and popcorn) to see it in the theatre I’d definetly rent it went it comes out on DVD if you like Horror/Comedy. It’s a pretty good movie to take someone you want to snuggle up to :p I had a great time doing just that It was about 2:30 when I got home and I had to work this morning. Didn’t plan that one out well. But it was worth the trouble Tonight I was supposed to have my finals for ASL. I showed up and no one was there. I waited for quite a while and went looking and no one knew anything. I finally left but was pretty pissed off. I’d better be able to take it. If not I want my money back. Not that I see that happening. I bought a book this morning (Don’t Call Them Ghosts by Kathleen McConnell) that I saw at Chapters last night with Dan and wanted badly. I was kinda not sure last night. I wanted so bad to go look at the Parapsychology and New Age books but wasn’t sure how Dan would react. Turns out he has a Tarot deck and has read many of the stuff I have. And is interested in a lot of the same stuff. Which is kinda cool.

kinda confused…

So… Ok I have no idea how to handle this. Cause I’ve always screwed up in the past. But obviously I like Dan. And he says he wants to be friends. And he said that if something else develops then great. And if not then at least we’ll be friends. I don’t know how to deal with that. I’m like the worst friend ever. I either totally ignore people. Or I bug them way to much. I don’t want to come across as needy, or clingy, or just plain slightly nuts :p

I don’t want to repeat past mistakes I’ve made with other guys (or anyone for that matter) who are either friends or were something else. Last night he was online and I was online. I never messaged him all night. Why? Because I don’t want to come across as someone that always has to be talking to him. And I don’t want to bug him. But now I’m scared he might think I’m not interested at all in being friends. Or anything else. I know I get upset when people seem to ignore me. I tend to get upset even when they aren’t ignoring me but it seems that way to me.

I just tried to play it cool all night and see if he messaged me instead of me being the one to always message him. But he didn’t. Today I decided to message him (he’s not home so he won’t get it until after work) and ask if he wants to do something sometime this week. He’s going to the Our Lady Peace concert with me on May 12th. I asked and he said he wanted to go. To me that’s a good sign. But at the same time I don’t want to wait more then a month. So I messaged him and now I’m regretting it. I can’t take it back obviously but I wonder if it was a good idea. I don’t want to be to forward. I don’t want to seem overbearing. Which I know I can definetly be. But dammit I’m bored. So I thought why not. He’ll either say he can or he can’t no harm done right?

I just have no idea how the hell to have a normal regular friendship (or relationship) with someone. Most of mine have ended so badly. Both types. I’m horrible at it. And I have no idea why. Well I do but I can’t seem to stop it. I either go way to one extreme or the other.