Motivation, or lack thereof.

How do you get motivation to do things? I really seem to have a hell of a time with it. For instance today is really sunny and I just felt like being outside so I went for a bit of a walk. That walk turned into a 12km, 3 hour walk. It felt so good. My motivation. I just wanted to be outside. However I don’t always feel that way.

I am not sure how to motivate myself to do that every day. Maybe not a 3 hour walk everyday but a 1 hour walk everyday and maybe a 3 hour walk once a week. Even though I feel really motivated today to do it everyday. Tomorrow might be different. I have such a hard time with motivation and consistency sometimes.

I am proud of myself today though. I really wanted to be out enjoying the fresh air, slight breeze and sunshine so I just kept walking till I couldn’t walk anymore. I then had another 30 min or so before I got home. I should sleep well tonight.

We also got a wii and a wii fit. I know that it won’t really make me loose weight but I am hoping it will help me a bit with my motivation to exercise and loose some weight. I’ve never really been one to like to exercise but i do like games and I do like to walk and listen to music.

Maybe just between the two and some yoga at home and cutting out some junk food I might be able to loose some weight. If not maybe the increased activity level will help me with the motivation and energy to do something more… like jogging, running, weights etc. So I pretty much have a gym at home thanks to Cory I guess I should make use of it.

I guess I need motivation to post as well sometimes…

Spring Has Sprung

Spring is finally here after a long hard winter. Since I am going to be off for the rest if April and all of May (and June and July should be slow at work) I decided to make the best of them.

Cory and I bought fishing licences and since he had two rods already we went and bought some additional tackle and bait since most of his is gone and went fishing. I have not fished since I was like 12! We headed out and called his buddy Rodney who met us there with his step-daughter who’s about 5 or 6.

I did pretty good considering. I caught on to cadging pretty well and only got caught up in rocks or brush on the side of the lake a few times. None of us caught anything but they apparently haven’t stocked the lake yet there just a few winter trout here or there. So we’ll go back soon and try again think they stick it in early May.

We also tackled a bit more spring cleaning and re-arranging. We opened up the living room/dining room a bit more by moving the couches against the walls. Previously we had one against the wall and the other as a divider between the living room and dining room.

The way it is now blocks the heater in the living room but since we always got windows open now and it’s plus 10 degrees I’m thinking we won’t need them again till the fall anyways.

It’s nice though this way if we just move the coffee table into the dining room we have a huge space for my yoga mat and balance ball to do my exercises and we can easily get at the weights and bowflex type thing he has. Plus when I get my wii tomorrow from my friend Erin we’ll have more space to use the wii fit part of it.

So over all it was a productive and fun day

I guess I can no longer blame the dizziness on being a blond…

I decided to edit and add to this a bit, not all of it was in the original post.

I finally have a diagnosis and mixed emotions about it all…

I have irreversible damage to my vestibular system which is the parts of the inner ear and brain that process sensory information involved with controlling balance and eye movements. This is what is causing my vertigo, nausea and problems with walking and balance. In my case the cause is unknown though he said there is a few things that could cause it, one being vestibular neuritis which is caused by an infection in the ear. This causes swelling which leads to the damage.

The second possible cause in my case is trauma to my head. Based on my past history it could be either or both. Since I have a history of ear infections and other infections and since I also have a history of multiple head injuries over the last 4 years (5 in 4 years). Personally I am leaning towards the injury. Not dwelling on that too much though.

Basically the part of the brain that controls balance re-calibrates itself to compensate for the damage from an injury or vestibular issue and in my case it is either failing to do so or it is over-calibrating even when it does not need to. It could be one or both of these. I found a good explanation of it here.

What this means for me is another 6 weeks or more off of work while I go through more rehabilitation therapy and balance retraining and wait for the medications to kick in and work. In the meantime I feel like hell again. I have gotten sick 3 times since I got up today. I just want to lay down and watch TV and doze off but I have things to do. I just don’t want to do them… it’s the weekend.

I can’t shake the feelings of unease. I can’t concentrate and feel like I am in a constant state of brain fog. I am really nauseous again and am irritable. And just tired.