This is really the last thing I should be doing right now. I have a miserable miserable headache and am nauseous as hell but I just need to write things down. Over the last few days I have been making a mental note of what symptoms are better, what symptoms are the same, what symptoms are new and better ways of describing them so that the ENT would understand what I was talking about.
One word seemed to have stood out. I said I felt like a bobble-head. Have you ever looked at one that was on a dash of a car and seen them bobbing around and thinking man if he was real he must be really feeling sick by now. That’s how it feels to me. Like my head is in perpetual motion even when I am not. It makes me feel so sick. It’s not even my head really. It’s inside… like my brain or eyes or something.
When I mentioned the Celexa making me feel moody, fatigued and even depressed he mentioned he was concerned about that but needed to give it a try. So he’s switching me to Cipralex. I still don’t complete understand the connection between an anti-anxiety medication and whatever it is that I have but right now the more I try and look up and understand the more confused and frustrated I am becoming.
I’ve always been told when going to the doctor for something that no matter how minor or unrelated a symptom can seem that you should always mention it anyways. But I would need to write a god dammed novel for them. I don’t know how much longer I can take feeling like this. I don’t know if it is now just anxiety about going back to work without a complete diagnosis or prognosis or if it is something else.
On top of that apparently the Cipralex is not usually covered by a lot of insurance companies and usually needs special authorization. Which means I wont get on it right away. I don’t have the money to pay for it so hopefully they will give the authorization and cover it.
I mentioned the fact that my ears still hurt and I still have the fluttering and pressure but he said they looked fine. I feel so sore all over and so tired. At least I wont be back to work full-time for at least another six weeks.
My mom and I were talking today about MS. My first cousin, my father’s first cousin and my fathers uncle all had MS. As well as there is at least 2-3 other people on that side that died from MS like symptoms before MS diagnosis was either possible or probable and some of the symptoms I have are similar to the symptoms my cousin started having after his diagnosis.
Oddly enough he did not even have symptoms at diagnosis. A back and head injury from hockey showed MS lesions on his brain and spinal cord and he was told his diagnosis before he really had any symptoms. He is now 42 (early 40’s anyways) and is in a wheel chair, has trouble talking and is in assisted living. Thinking about that is just scaring me more… way to look on the bright side of things!
I just wish there was a more definitive way to say it is this or it is that… and none of this jumping back and forth between diagnosis shit.
I go back to work on Monday! I am doing a 6 week return to work program. I can’t believe it has been over 3 months. I start out on week one with 3 3-hour shifts (mon, wed, fri) and then the next week is 5 3-hour shifts, and so on until I am back to full-time. I am happy about that. EI just isn’t cutting it. We are so behind. I even sold $350 worth of gold jewelry this morning to try and catch up and it barely made a dent.
I have been so busy the last couple of weeks with doctors appointments, balance/physio appointments and work related stuff. I also cleaned our apartment from the top to bottom, only took two weeks lol. Well I really only cleaned 3 days out of the two weeks.
We also went camping twice. Once with my parents and some friends of theirs and the second time with Cory’s friend, his fiance and their baby boy. That was fun. I got to hold the baby a lot and even got to put him to bed one night. I want one! They are so cute and cuddly. Maybe soon.
One thing I noticed while camping is that the Celexa was really affecting my energy, my mood, motivation and depression. I was actually starting to get really depressed. While camping the first time I forgot to bring it with me and after about 4 days off of it I realized it was doing that. So I called my family doctor and he suggested stopping it till I saw the ENT again. Good news is my energy level is back somewhat, I don’t feel depressed at all, I’m less moody and my motivation to do things is coming back. Bad news is that the vertigo, nausea and vomiting has come back as well.
I also did something I have never ever ever done in my life. It cheered me up a bit. I tried on and then bought a dress, a cardi and flats to complete the outfit! I think I was about 6 the last time I bought one. I have to say it looks pretty cute. I’m a bigger girl (size l or xl or 12 or 14) so it doesn’t quite look like that on me but it is still really cute. It’s for Cory’s best friends wedding in August as well as a back to work present for myself.
Since I really need to make sure I am blogging and I was getting really tired of the theme I had I decided to install a new theme. It’s a premade and not mine but I tweaked it slightly and will continue to do so until I get bored with it or decide to create a new one. But I think it’s simple and cute.
for not logging into my blog for over a month. I didn’t even realize that my site was hacked. I think I fixed it but I couldn’t really find much on the internet about it or in the WordPress forums.
It’s been a busy month and I really have no motivation at all to work on my site. I know what it is. It’s the medication I am on, Celexa. It’s caused a complete lack of motivation in everything I normally do. All I want to do is lay around all day and do nothing. It’s not me at all. I stopped taking it. Which I know is not a good idea but we went to my parents for the weekend and I forgot to bring it with us. Then when we got home I forgot to take it for a few days. Then it dawned on me that I was feeling a bit better and wanted to get up and get out of the house and do things.
So it must be the medication. Unfortunately not taking it means my nausea is coming back and the dizziness a bit. Since I am starting work again on the 3rd of June I want to get this all sorted out soon. I am going to talk to my doctor next week to see if there is something else that might help.
We’re heading out now to go to Cory’s friend Rodney’s camp for the evening or possibly the weekend so I should go pack. I love camping!