I’m bored…

I’m at work. There isn’t much to do. My call times should be great though. People keep hanging up on me. Guess no one wants to talk… *sighs*

I’m still feeling a little lost. And more and more frustrated every day. I just feel like I’m missing something. Ever get that feeling? Nothing in particular. And I don’t mean like forgetting to do something or other. Just like I’m missing something out of life.

I just have no where to go. I don’t feel like home’s home anymore. Why? I don’t know. In no way have my family told me or even purposly made me feel as if I’m not welcome. And I know I’m welcome. But I just want something more. I’m tired of rushing headlong into nothing. I don’t have enough hours in the day. Yet I have so much time sometimes I feel guilty and like I’m waisting it.

I’m getting impatient with things. I want to be off meds completely. But I’m only like a week and a half into it. I’m still on the full dose of Effexor. I’m happy I’ll be off. But I just don’t like the waiting. And what if things aren’t like I hope they’ll be?

Why do I ask so many questions of myself? I’m never happy with myself. Some therapists, and doctors, etc… say I have very low self esteem. Do I? I guess so. If they mean how I feel about the way I look or something I guess so maybe. But not really. I don’t have a big issue with my looks. I don’t care much. I know I’m not beautiful. I don’t think I’d wanna be. I don’t completely have an issue with my weight. I’d like to loose a little in a few specific spots (If you’ve seen me they’re pretty obvious lol. My chest, and waist, tummy area), but who wouldn’t I guess.

Anyways everyone around me is talking and I can’t seem to pay attention to this so…

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