bored, sad, frustrated and anxious

This is from the group that I posted there but it’s so accurate for how I’m feeling today I decided to add it here too.

I’m feeling really down today. I am really frustrated about a lot of things. I went to group last night and some things other people said made me think hard. I’m almost 25 and I have no idea what I want to do with my life! I have a decent job that pays more then minimum wage but I’m not happy with it. It’s kinda stressful at times and monotonous. It’s the same thing over and over again. I can’t see myself there in another year. Yet if I don’t so something that’s exactly where I’ll be or I’ll loose the job and have nothing, that’s happened before too.

I’m in a fairly new relationship with a great guy but I know I’m taking it way to seriously right now and I’m scared it’s going to turn into the same thing my last one did with him saying se ya and never wanna see ya again. I think I need to just chill out and let things just happen as they happen with us. I care about him enough I don’t wanna loose him but I’m pushing him away at the same time. It’s the same thing I always do.

I’m really feeling lost and like there is no meaning to my life right now and I feel kinda hopeless and scared. I don’t want to go on like this anymore. I need to just pick up the pieces of my life and make it better. I know no one can do it but me but sometimes it’s really hard you know. I’m on medication, in one on one therapy, and group therapy. There is nothing more they can do for me now without me taking the next step and just doing what needs to be done. Taking responsibility for myself and not letting everyone around me take care of me.

But how can you do that when your credit’s so bad you can’t get phone, power or an apartment in your name. And I can’t go back to school because I’d need a student loan and I have one in collections already. None of the banks will touch me for a student credit line or anything. How at 25 have I messed my life up so bad that I can’t do nothing but live at home and work 40/hours a week and still have nothing to show for it. No money, no self esteem, no life, nothing. I feel like my life is trying to stay afloat in the water and if I don’t do something fast I’m going to drown.

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