doing really good

I posted this in but I’m proud of it so I’m posting it here too

I think this was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. To come completely off meds. All my friends and family and co-workers are all noticing a huge difference in me. They say I seem truly happy. Like I haven’t been in so long. I have to admit that the meds were really good for me. I’m not at all saying they weren’t! And I think that’s really important to remember for any of you on meds. They do help at the right time. But that time passed for me. I’m strong enough for now to do this on my own without them. I understand that it’s not an exact science. Nothing is. I may have to go back on them temporarily at some point or maybe for good at some point. 

It’s day by day. Live in the now. That’s one of the most important things. Sure look ahead to the future. Plan things. But if they don’t work out. Don’t think to much about it. Figure out why if you really have to. But then let it go and move on. Move on. That’s the key. Don’t dwell on things. That was such a big part of my depression. Dwelling on past events. Past things that bothered me. It took a good friend to point that out to me. And I’m sorry I didn’t want to listen to him at first. But now I realize he was dead on.

Things happen for a reason. They may not make sense at the time. But if you obsess over the why then you get caught up in it and it’s not good. Let it go and the reason will become apparent when the time is right. I don’t want to sound like I’m preaching. But it’s so true. And maybe some of us will never realize it. But it just takes time and patients and if you truly believe then things will work out in the end if you work hard enough to get there. One thing I learnt. All the meds, therapists, doctors, and friends (who’ve gone through it or haven’t) in the word will mean nothing if I’m not prepared to work my ass off. If I’m not prepared to have the good and the bad together.

I feel like my life is finally moving forward. I don’t feel like a hamster caught in a wheel with no where to go anymore. I feel that I have the power to make my own life better. I just have to grab it. Other people can help. But only if I want it. Only if I accept it. Without accepting then nothing will happen… Without helping myself no one can help me.

I’m on vacation right now. I have 6 days off the 6th to the 11th. I never thought I would but I want to go back to work. I want to work my ass off even harder and I want to get a QA position in a few months. I want to go 2 whole months without a sick day. I know I can do it. After how sick the withdrawl made me this last few weeks and I never missed a day I know I can do it. I saved up over $800 dollars in a month! I ordered a new computer. If I can do that then I can do it again and I can go back to school part time while working. And save up more. If I have to live at home a little longer then fine. I can do this! I will do it.

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