Feeling Down

I should know better by now. I can’t skip the meds or I’m back to the beginning. It sucks. I went to P’s about 11a yesterday and we just layed around watching tv and stuff. Then T and A picked us up about 8:30p and we went to chocolate lake swimming. Was great the water was beautiful and warm. T and I went right in. Took P a while but he came in eventually, wouldn’t go to far out or underwater but he’s been sick with a cold for over a week and his ears were bothering him so I can understand that. A wouldn’t go in very far. Said it was to cold lol. It was at first and the top 2 or so inches of water where cool but the deeper it got and the farther out you went the nicer it was.

Work has added an extra hour to our shifts starting tomorrow so if you start at 9:30 or 10 you stay and extra hour and if you start any other time you start an hour earlier. They aren’t gonna like it tomorrow being Monday and the busiest day and all but I’m not staying the extra hour. B has known since mid March that Mondays I have group at 6:30p so I’m not staying regardless of what they say.

We all day today and of course I never took the effexor today and haven’t had it in a few days so when I got up I was in a bad mood and started to cry. I hate the effect it has on me when I skip it but I do it anyway. Sometimes on purpose but most often not.

Anyways, I told him I was scared of him. Not that he’d hurt me physically or on purpose emotionally but just that I think I care about him much more right now then he does me and it scares me. I’m tired of being hurt. There was and is more to it then that but I’m getting upset again so I should probably go to bed and try and forget it for now. I just don’t want him to hurt me and I don’t want to hurt him.

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