I’m not sure where I was going with all that crap last night, not that it wasn’t like 100% true. I do want a family and kids and I don’t want it to be 10 years down the road but sooner rather then later. But I just don’t know what the point in writing about it at close to 2am was when I was so tired I couldn’t think strait and made probably no sense at all… anyways I’m bored again today. Playin poler on pogo and tryin to get my badge for it. I feel like going out for a drive or somethin later. It gives me something to do and feels so freeing. I love going out to waverly down the waverly rd. I love the curves in the road and the water and scenery. Blasting music and just driving, I’m careful, I know that road can be dangerous. But it’s just so freeing and my minds concentrating on driving so no room for nothing else. It’s odd but most people with Panic Disorder dislike driving. Especially if you’ve had a panic attack in the car while driving, which I have had. Had stop and pull over. And I was a little scared of driving after that. Ok *very* scared. Scared shitless actually. I didn’t drive for about 6 months at all and then after that only when I absolutly have to. But now I enjoy it. I want to get a car of my own. A cavalier or sunfire. Or even more prefferably a Golf or Jetta (prefer VW’s, but the upkeeps not cheap on them!). I should see if I could get the financing. I should.

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