It seems a really odd thing to say when he is sitting here next to me on the dock fishing but it’s kinda true.
It’s a bit hard to explain but lately I feel like he is slowly slipping away from me. It’s hard sometimes to get him out of the house, with the exception of going fishing, which he usually readily agrees to.
I don’t know if it is depression, boredom, pain or something else but sometimes it just feels like he is here, but not here. It feels as if we are strangers living together. It’s so hard to get him to talk.
We talk about current affairs, things we’ve done, shows we’ve seen, etc. However the topic of the future always causes a topic change, or even downright avoidance. We can’t seem to get past the basics.
I know he’s concerned about his disease and the progress of it. I know the future is unknown. I know he is frustrated, confused, concerned and even depressed about it. I just wish he’d talk to me.
Intimacy seems to have dried up for the time being. We can’t seem to do much more then say good night and cling to our own side of the bed. It scares me.
I am hanging in and have no plans on giving up, however I really don’t know what to do. I really miss him. Simple as that.