“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

That’s a quote from Robert Frost. It seemed to fit. It’s so true…

I’m in such a great mood tonight. I had a good day at work. I got my score card back and it was 95/100. My call times were 9:13. Which is good. 9:59 or under is the goal. And mine have been going down steadily by about 30-40 seconds each card. 13 seconds less and I’d have gotten 25/25 rather then 20/25. I had no issues at all which is a first I think. Not one. So that was 20/20. My QA (Quality Assurance) is 98%! Which is fucking awesome. The highest in the center. I even beat the part time QA team members! So I got a full 40/40 on that (anything about 95% is a 40). My AUX time is 6% which is really good. One of the lowest. 9% or lower is the goal. The lowest is 5%. so I got 15/15 on that. But I didn’t get the bonus 5pts because I had one occurance (no Doc note for the 3 sick days). And 3 sick days. So I got 95/100. So all I need to work on is my attendance and she said that it’s improved a lot. So compared to my last one which was only 55/100. I’m really very happy about it and proud of myself. My August score card had like 7 sick days. And the one before was like 5 or 6. So I’m improving. Plus the score card itself for August was like 55/100 cause I had only a 78% for quality. And my call times were 9:47. I’m not sure how the call time points work exactly but you have to have 9:59 to pass and get 10 out of 25 or something like that. So I was really impressed with my score!

Bethany and I talked for a bit and she said the last 2 weeks at work have been amazing as far as my attitude and my progress. She said she has notices a really big difference since I started going off the meds. She said she started noticing a change about a week before I told her I was doing it… which is about the time I decided to do it. She said I have not had any issues so far this month and all 100%’s on the few QA’s they’ve done I had a 95 from before the two weeks though which is what brought it down from the 100% to 95%. And she said I haven’t missed a day in 21 days. She looked through my record and that’s the longest i’ve gone without missing any days. She said since I’ve been here (she’s been there the whole time. She was a Sup at the Sup desk before till a few months ago when she because a team leader) this is hte happiest she’s seen me. She said I’ve been happy and smiling and she noticed I’m talking more and more to people around me and getting involved in things at work more and more and seeming to enjoy myself. And it’s true.

Today there was Tiffany on one side of me. Billy on the other side of her. And Charlene on the other side of me. Julie was across from me. I had a coloring book (got the idea from Evelyn who’s always coloring) and pensil crayons, markers and a doodle bag with 6 Winnie the Pooh posters (yeah I know we’re such losers lol!). And the four of us, Charlene, Tiffany, Julie and I were all coloring my posters with my markers and pencil crayons. And talking. Sandra was down the other end but she rolled her chair down with us (you can here the phones pretty good.. or most people can). And the 5 of us and Billy were all talking about concerts and stuff. We were talking about our favorite bands and Charlenes is KMFDM. It was nice cause I felt I had something in common with them. We started talking about our childhoods. It was kinda neat. They wanted to know what it was like living in a different country so I was trying to describe it but without sounding too weird. They thought it sounded kind of interesting. I never really thought of it that way. Just took it for granted I guess. It never occured to me that it was kinda neat for them to imagine growing up in Europe. Tried to kinda keep it low key though and not sound like I was bragging or anything. I used to hate to tell people cause they seemed to take offence and shit.

But I’ve been thinking about what Bethany said and what Evelyn said to me the other day. And Carrie (the girl that I was talking to the other day in the lunch room who had been on anti-depressants) and I see what they mean. I’m feeling so much better. I’m happy. I’m satisfied yet I want to improve my life. But I’m not feeling like a failure anymore. I feel like this is really worth it. I still feel really lightheaded and dizzy if I get up fast. From the withdrawl from the meds. And I still get really sick to my stomach and headaches and I know that that might get worse before it gets better as I go down more. But I feel it’s worth it. As long as I’m careful and try and deal with it in non destructive ways. I’m a little worried about it though. Can too much Tylonal or IB Profen be a problem? I think I need to talk to a pharmacist about that…

Anyways I’ve competly lost track of what I was talking about :p

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