learning a lesson…

I know now that I messed up. I know that I should have listened once again to the people around me that care about me. I’m not helping myself. I’m just putting myself back into the same awkward position once again. I can’t take the pain. But I don’t know anything else. I need to start thinking about myself for once. I need to stop hurting myself. I want to love so much. I want to be loved so much. To the point that I don’t give a damn who it is no matter how good or bad they treat me. I take a simple gesture that was meant only to be friendly and I see it as something else. Because I want so bad to be loved by someone. I’m scared I’m just going to end up hurting myself once again. I care to much sometimes. I was warned. I can’t say I wasn’t. But once again I’m ignoring what I don’t want to see and seeing only what I want. I’m scared it’ll never be different. I’m scared I’ll never find someone who can love me back. I should have listened. I know now that what you said is true. I have to learn to love and care about myself before I’ll ever find someone to love and care about me. That I have to learn to be happy for myself and satisfied on my own before I can ever find someone I’ll truly love and care about and who’ll truly love and care about me. Why do I never learn the lessons until it’s to late? I should be upset. I should be crying. But instead all I feel is relief. Maybe I’m finally getting there. Or working towards it at the very least.

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