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Seems I have found another issue with our health system in rural Nova Scotia. I am not sure why I am surprised or if I am even really surprised, but had we stayed in Halifax at least I would likely have had access to counseling and/or to a psychologist. Here, however, there is no one. There appears to be no one taking on patients in Yarmouth, only one psychologist in Digby who is not returning calls and anyone in the Annapolis Valley, Middleton, Kentville or New Minas I called was either retired, semi-retired and/or not taking on patients. The community mental health and addictions program basically told me that they deal more with addictions and other things and don’t deal with PTSD or adjustment disorder type things and that if it was related to a car accident I would need to go through my car insurance or private health insurance and see a private doctor or counselor.
I called them back today as there is no one and the girl was new and didn’t understand why I was told that and said she would have someone contact me about it. I am not very hopeful though. At this point, I just find it frustrating and more than a little bit frightening. Why does it feel like something drastic has to happen before you can get any help? And what if I can’t find anyone or worse yet, what if I can but can’t afford them because my private insurance wants me to pay upfront and be reimbursed or something. I already assume I have to do that with physio, though I am really not sure about that. I really feel like I have no one guiding me or helping me get the help I need. My family and my husband are concerned about me and about it. I’m supposed to go back to work after Christmas and I have not even heard from short-term yet.
I am guessing maybe that is because Friday would have been day 5 and last time it was another 2-3 days before I heard from them so I am guessing mid-week this week. Maybe they can help guide me in the right direction. As long as they don’t give me a hard time about everything. At the moment everything feels pretty hopeless and I feel so helpless. This past weekend was our family Christmas dinner in Freeport. I went because I had promised my mom, that and my family thought it would be good for me. I had a good time in one way and it was good to get out but it tired me out so much both physically and mentally. I had a really hard time with the drive and getting on and off of the ferry (the ramps). I am not scared of the ferry itself and love the feeling of being on the water. I just hated the drive and the feelings of panic it caused. At the same time, the places I saw and stories I heard brought back memories of my Uncle and my Grandparents and some other family members or friends of the family that have passed on. It’s made me miss my Grandparents and my Uncle so much.
I woke up this morning feeling really down. I slept in till 9 am and only got up because I wanted to get in the shower before Eddie went to work. With the pain I have been in and the way I have been feeling I didn’t want to get in the shower when I was home alone. After the shower, while putting my pajamas back on to dry my hair before getting dressed I started crying again out of nowhere. I think Eddie was concerned about going to work and leaving me alone but at the same time, he had to. So he went but he texted me the whole bus ride to work. I am so bad right now that even him or the thought of anyone in my family being in a vehicle really bothers me, which annoys me because it is so stupid, but it does.