Some small randon ghost stories

My mom got a hold of a local paranormal investigator who has a really good reputation and she had a really long conversation with him about Edith and the hauntings at my parent’s house. He mentioned that instead of inviting whoever is outside in, that they should instead sit down on a quiet night in the living room and invite Edith to come sit with them and talk to them and tell her that they are really interested in helping her and let her know that there appears to be another spirit outside the house walking the grounds and ask her if she knows who he is? Obviously this will likely be a one-sided conversation as we are not expecting her to answer back, but let her know anyway and tell her if she knows who it is and if it is someone she wants to see invite her to go outside to him.

I guess we should say them because even though we feel it’s her husband we don’t know this for sure obviously, so instead of potentially inviting someone who might not have the best of intentions inside the house that they should tell her she can go out if she feels it safe. We obviously don’t really want someone harmful getting in by invitation because then it would be difficult getting them out. Mom said the conversation was sort of surreal and both her and dad said after that they couldn’t believe they were talking about a haunting in such a common way. But honestly how else do you talk about one? I agree with the paranormal investigator 100% and had voiced a similar concern to them as well.

So, because of the conversation, I had with her after and us talking about how my nan, my mom, and I as well as some of my nan’s sisters all have had experiences that maybe we are just more in tune and open to it because we believe. I would not use the term medium or psychic but just open to experiences due maybe to some genetic fact or something like that and so we experience stuff or attract maybe even and so it got us talking more about some of the experience we’ve had and mom was telling me about a story when I was little, plus I have a few smaller stories. I have some longer ones from when we lived in Europe and those eventually deserve their own posts but for now, let me tell you about some of the other ones I have had or been a part of.

When I was about 3 or 4 my mom’s best friend lived in a house that she said was haunted by a ghost of an older man. Mom’s friend had two kids who were just a little younger than me, 3 and 2 I believe a boy and a girl.  Mom said she would bring me over a couple of times a month to babysit the kids when her friend and her husband went out somewhere and mom’s friend would do the same with me and bring her kids over. So this one night we were over there and babysitting her friend’s kids and we were playing in the living room on the floor with some toys and mom was watching tv and talking with us kids. The little boy took out one of those fisher-price corn popper toys like the picture below.

He was running around downstairs with it and making a lot of noise and screaming and he came around the living room through the kitchen and then back out into the living room and it was all fairly smooth wood flooring. There was no flooring transition strips or rubber/metal strips if you know what I mean between the rooms as it was all one and just continued. As he came back through the kitchen into the living room mom said it looked like the popper just hit a brick wall and he tumbled over it landing on his feet. He was in pj’s she said but they were not too long and did not have feet. He was giggling she said and said: “the man doesn’t like it”. So when her friend got home mom described what happened her friend went white and said: “yeah, no he doesn’t like it and that’s happened before and no matter how much we try my husband and I can not recreate it only happens when he is playing with it” and she said that he would do other things sometimes when they kids were too loud like banging drawers out in the kitchen or turning things off like the tv when they were watching it.

Yet at the same time, he would tuck the kids in at night! And apparently saved the little girl from falling down the basement stairs. The kids sometimes when the parents came up to tuck them in would look like they had already been tucked in and would say “It’s okay mommy (or daddy) the man already tucked us in and we said our prayers” and the little girl was leaning against a wall near the basement stairs which had a door one day when we were visiting and she was talking to her brother in the way that toddlers do and she was inching her way towards the door, she leaned up against it and it apparently hadn’t been latched and opened and she started to fall and we watched as her shirt tented looking like someone had grabbed her by it and pulled her back onto her feet and the door swung shut behind her. Those were the first experiences that I can remember.

My mom told of a similar but scarier story when she was younger (a toddler) living in a house in Weymouth that had a trap door in the floor (their house now has one as well, was quite common here in those days) and every time she went near the door it would swing open. Now, these things are heavy! The need to be unlatched and pulled upward and usually swung to the side and then lowered to the ground and she said her mom said that it happened almost every time she was in the room except when company was there. After that my grandfather and nan tried to keep mom out of the room but she said it was like someone was drawing her back there so they moved. They were terrified she would fall down the stairs and get hurt or worse.

My last two stories are about when my nan died and when her sister died. Nan died first back in the early 2000s and I was living in Fredericton, New Brunswick with my ex-boyfriend right out of high school. We had been there a year or so and had moved into a small apartment that had a small bedroom directly off the living room. I was taking a nap in the afternoon on a day off work and my ex-was also off work that day and was on his computer in the living room. I woke up from a dream and went and wrote down the poem Footprints In The Sand on a piece of printer paper and handed it to my ex and said nan just passed away.

Now I had seen the poem before in her house but I didn’t know it off by heart and still don’t but I wrote it all down without looking it up. He told me to call mom and I said no she’s going to call me and sure enough within 5 minutes the phone rang and my mom was crying on the other end and I was crying so hard and said I already know and she said yeah she passed about 30 minutes ago. Mom was the one that found her. It was traumatizing for her because of the way she was found but I won’t go into detail.

Lastly when my great aunt, one of my nan’s sisters died both mom and I had the same experience at the same time. She died in the night and both mom and I dreamed of her coming to us and tucking us in and telling us that she was with her parents and brothers and sisters who had passed before her. She was the second last to pass away out of I think 6 or 7 kids. We woke up and called each other and started laughing and crying at the same time. Laughing because we experience the same thing and said it was just what Aunt Marge would have done and crying because we knew it was true and that she had passed. You would think this would be sad and sure there was sad days, weeks and months ahead after each of them but for me the Footprints In The Sand poem was her way of saying that she was walking beside me in the sand all the time. We had a great bond. As for my Aunt again it was comforting knowing that she would always be there to tuck me in at night if I needed her. Both are a cause of great comfort to me and also let me know that I don’t have to fear death.

Am I particularly religious? No. Not at all. If I had to choose a church I would say I most identify with the Anglican faith but I don’t go to church, don’t pray every day, and don’t even fully know or understand my belief or lack thereof in God. I believe that if there is a God he would understand this and not fault me or anyone else for this and would love us all the same and if there isn’t then what does it really matter anyways?

I’m officially a university student!

Well almost, the very last thing is the final approval for my loan but I am 100% registered, got my class schedule for my first semester, my student email account set up and Office 365 downloaded and installed, and I even have access to classes as of today. I can get started anytime. I just can’t submit anything, contact the professor or take tests until my final loan approval (as they had to update the amount) and until I receive it and pay tuition. Which should be roughly 10 days before my official start date.

I am so excited! I will be getting started as soon as I get back today from driving my husband to work. He works 2-8 so I plan to spend the whole time looking over the course information, syllabus, study guide, and maybe start on the actual course today. It’s been so long since I was in school and I never finished community college and it’s so different now anyways that I might need today to get acclimated and get an idea of what the process is for doing the work online. But that’s okay, I am just so excited to get myself started and praying that last step goes smoothly.

If for some reason it doesn’t I know I can drop any courses I can’t afford, switch to part-time and pay for one course or two at a time with our Visa paying them off before taking the next one(s). But we are not going to think about that right now right? Positive thoughts. It’s been approved basically anyways, they just need to change the amount, and it is going down not up as they would only let me apply for 2 semesters at a time but the university does it one at a time so you have to apply for two, wait for them to approve, send to the university, the university responds with the updated dates and amounts sends it back (which was done last week) and then student loans reviews and gives final approval. So I am thinking it shouldn’t be an issue.

So, yeah, I am so thrilled and so proud of myself!

Oh and btw, my mom started university today at the University of Manitoba (online) so we are both full-time university students! One almost 40 and the other almost 66!

I feel like I’ve lost all control

This is not necessarily only about diabetes but my depression and anxiety too, that being said diabetes is such a frustrating disease! Just when you feel like you are getting somewhere and you are proud of yourself something happens and it all goes to shit. I’d like to blame being at home but really I can’t, that should be one of the times I have more control, not less. I’d like to say I am eating the same things as I was when I was out working but again I can’t, I’m not. I do eat a lot of the same things. But now I have free access to everything in the fridge and the cupboards and though sometimes I am not even hungry other times I feel constantly hungry. It’s a little hard to explain, to be honest. I think honestly it’s more mental than physical.

Since childhood, I’ve always just been a creature of habit. I get into habits easily. Even if it makes no sense. I don’t get great pleasure out of food usually. I’m not huge on tastes or textures, in fact, a lot of textures turn me off. I’m sensitive to smell. I won’t eat certain food just because of the smell. When I was little I survived on Kraft dinner and bread and water. I would not eat anything else. It wasn’t until I was in my teens that I even tried pizza and then I would only eat cheese and pepperoni. I got used to some of the dishes my parents made in my pre-teens and teens such as spaghetti, sheppard’s pie, tacos, scalloped potatoes, and ham or bologna but I was very limited. No matter how much they tried I would not eat anything else.

In my teens, I started trying other things, got hooked on Pepsi and root beer, pizza, chicken nuggets, fries, and other things. Typical teen things. Again though, I would not try anything else. If my parents got Chinese I would eat plain steamed rice and soya sauce. Eventually, I took a liking to ginger beef but even now that’s the only Chinese takeout food I will eat.  I can’t handle spicy. I started eating stew in my 20’s and fajitas. Everything though I liked rather plain. I was never a fan of sauces, spices, or anything like that. Imagine eating spaghetti with nothing but margarine and maybe a little sprinkled parmesan? Or a hamburger with nothing on it. Eventually, I started adding bacon (my go-to now) but otherwise, I wouldn’t eat much. Even veggies it was simply corn, carrots, or cucumber. Greens I would only eat romaine or head lettuce. Fruits it was apples, oranges. Berries it was simply strawberry or raspberries.

Over the last few years, I have really opened up my tastes and started trying things I wouldn’t even consider before.  I had started eating more veggies and trying new ones, same with fruits and greens. I started liking more varieties of stuff and was getting more adventurous. I have never been much of a cook but Edward likes cooking. I do know how. It’s not that. I even know a lot of the recipes my parents used off by heart but I would walk him through it rather than doing it myself. I guess I had no confidence in myself and still don’t. Sometimes I think it has to do with depression and anxiety as well though. The anxiety makes it so I get overwhelmed, frustrated, and then anxious really easily. I see this a lot with every day things like cooking, cleaning, and other household chores. I also don’t like going into the grocery store alone. The selection intimidates me. Trying to turn recipes or meal ideas into a grocery list overwhelms me.

Anyway, I had been doing really good with drinking more water, only diet pop occasionally and cutting back on sweets, eating veggies and fruits and we were making (well, Eddie really) meals up ahead of time so we had leftovers and using my freestyle libra I was getting decent results with my blood sugar. Now I just seem to have lost all control. I eat what I like when I like again. I drink more diet pop or even sometimes regular rather than water. We don’t make meals up ahead of time much anymore. We don’t by veggies or fresh meat much. I guess some of that can be blamed on supply which is a little rough right now but I know that even with exercise and eating semi-decent foods I can get my sugars back under control.

Mentally though I am having a hard time rallying myself and getting things back under control. I feel a bit lost actually. In so many ways. Some of it has to do with things going on right now all around the world but it started way before this. It started about the time I stopped working. It was such a big setback to me at the time and I still haven’t quite got over it. I have things that I feel like I should be able to do easily that seem such a big struggle, like cleaning and cooking. I’ve never been big on either but I did it out of necessity. Maybe having someone else around is fostering laziness in me that was already there? Not sure.

One thing I was really proud of this past month was the fact that I lost 20lbs, but looking back on it I realized that I was kind of cheating myself because I did not lose it due to good control, healthier eating, exercising, etc., instead, I lost it because I was extremely sick at the beginning of the month (again). I didn’t want to eat anything, I wasn’t eating anything, I had constant bouts of diarrhea and slept 20 hours a day or more with whatever it was that I got. Add antibiotics to that which caused more issues and it was easy to lose 20lbs in about 3 weeks. In less then a week I have gained 5 back. So yeah, I really can’t take credit for that. One good thing though is the 20lbs lost made a big difference in my pain. So I need to grab onto that, grab onto the way it made me feel good and work on losing more, getting healthier both physically and mentally, and really concentrating on school so that this is not another missed opportunity.

Speaking of that, I have school starting in a month. I registered my courses and have my list of courses for the semester. I got my school email account all set up. I’ve been doing some prep work to ensure I don’t get stuck or lost in my courses, but not as much as I would have liked. I’ve stalled there a bit too, which scares me. I feel like my biggest issue right now is my loss of control on so many aspects of my life. So many good things, but so many bad things. Even the good are daunting and cause me anxiety. Normal, I know, even for someone without depression or anxiety. The difference is they learn to cope. At the moment I don’t feel I am. Thankfully I have a Zoom appointment with my psychologist this week on Thursday.

She is really great. She encourages my blogging and encourages me to get out and try new things and explore. I have never felt in the past that therapy has helped me much and always had rather bad experiences with it. She’s different though. I feel like I’m making breakthroughs with her. My husband and family back me up on things as well. They are super supportive. My husband sometimes though gives in because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings or he just wants to make me happy and sometimes pushing me to eat healthily and not eat things I want feels to him like he is being mean, at the same time though he understands my health is in jeopardy so I think he struggles as well with that balance as well.

I know I will get through this, if nothing else I a stubborn as fuck. Even if I sometimes give in when the going gets tough I pick myself back up, tell myself no, I can not give in and I try again, even if it takes a while to get to that conclusion (umm… like 20 years for school, but who’s counting anyway). Again, I know I will get through this. I have support both professionally and through friends and family some of who have always been there and others who are newer but super supportive. I’ve just got to keep pushing myself outside my comfort zone and never give up and on that note, it applies to my diabetes as well. I can’t give up. If I make a mistake I need to just get up, dust off, and try again. Really use the CGM to watch for trends, watch how certain foods affect me, and find suitable alternatives that I still like and satisfy any cravings I have.

I so badly want to get everything under control. I feel better obviously when my blood sugar is in my goal range (5-10 mmol/l) and I know that the complications can be really bad if I don’t regain and keep control. I have seen it in my father and my grandmother. My mom too to a point. She’s a little better at controlling hers than my Dad and I though (yes, my mom, dad, and I are all type 2 and so was dad’s mom). It can be frustrating but at the same time, it can be interesting too. I know being able to cook and bake would be beneficial here because I can learn to change recipes to suit my needs (ie. no sugar, low carb, etc) but still satisfy my sweet tooth and still make me feel like I am not sacrificing. I just have to get better at it. Really push myself, the problem is there is so much I need to change, so much I need to improve or learn that it again seems so daunting. I am not giving up though. Never. I will always keep trying.