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Honestly, though. I remember a post from 3 weeks ago mentioning how hard I was going to try this year to put up Christmas decorations and get in the spirit and that’s all gone to shit. My poor husband is currently trying to clean the house and all I can do is sit here and stare at either the computer screen or the TV. I have no energy, no that’s not the right word I have no motivation, no drive. As I am writing this Edward asked me if I want to walk to the store. Something I told him I wanted to do yesterday to get out of the house and get some fresh air.
I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t want to put up decorations. I feel like it’s already too late. Why bother? At the same time, it feels wrong. This all feels wrong. I love Christmas. Why do I feel this way? Why am I just sitting here crying my eyes out? Tomorrow, I have to go with my mom to Tiverton to decorate the hall for the dinner on Sunday. I don’t want to do it.
I promised but I really don’t want to get in the car and drive or be driven. I don’t want to go across the ferry to the island. Something that is one of my favorite things in the world to do and I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to. I’m going to because I promised. Or at least I hope like hell I am going to. Just like in a moment I am going to get up, get in the shower and then walk with my husband to the store. Because I have to. Because if I don’t I’m in trouble. I can’t sink into this. I can’t let it win. Read my last post if you aren’t sure what’s going on…