So much for Christmas decorations

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Image Credit: ErikaWittlieb from Pixabay

Honestly, though. I remember a post from 3 weeks ago mentioning how hard I was going to try this year to put up Christmas decorations and get in the spirit and that’s all gone to shit. My poor husband is currently trying to clean the house and all I can do is sit here and stare at either the computer screen or the TV. I have no energy, no that’s not the right word I have no motivation, no drive. As I am writing this Edward asked me if I want to walk to the store. Something I told him I wanted to do yesterday to get out of the house and get some fresh air.

I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t want to put up decorations. I feel like it’s already too late. Why bother? At the same time, it feels wrong. This all feels wrong. I love Christmas. Why do I feel this way? Why am I just sitting here crying my eyes out? Tomorrow, I have to go with my mom to Tiverton to decorate the hall for the dinner on Sunday. I don’t want to do it.

I promised but I really don’t want to get in the car and drive or be driven. I don’t want to go across the ferry to the island. Something that is one of my favorite things in the world to do and I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to. I’m going to because I promised. Or at least I hope like hell I am going to. Just like in a moment I am going to get up, get in the shower and then walk with my husband to the store. Because I have to. Because if I don’t I’m in trouble. I can’t sink into this. I can’t let it win. Read my last post if you aren’t sure what’s going on…

 

7 thoughts on “So much for Christmas decorations

    1. Thanks Sophie I did actually get as far as the mailbox which is halfway to the store. I had to turn and go back after we got the mail mostly because my hip was really hurting me, partly because the mall parking lot was packed and it made me nervous and partly because we were walking on the road as there are no sidewalks and the cars are whizzing past at 70km/hour and it made me just a little bit nervous. Seems silly since I had a perfectly good rental car sitting in the driveway but I couldn’t even bring myself to turn it on. I made my hubby run it a few minutes while I was getting dressed just because it has been sitting there unused for a few days.

  1. I think a lot of people get down during the holidays, and I know sometimes if I don’t have somewhere that I have to be I won’t leave the house, and I will have to be forced to. So, I understand how you are feeling, and a lot of people do.

    1. I have to be honest. I am not sure it is the holiday itself getting me down. I think it is the car accident and the holiday’s just happen to be an unfortunate consequence. I had to leave the house this weekend and while I was out I felt good but then when I got home I felt so horrible and today has been even worse. The weekend tired me out and made me want to stay home all the more. I hate it.

  2. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been going through. This year has filled me with a lot of paralyzing moments where I had no energy and drive. I’ve learned to just start with small things and go from there. If I can get myself to do one small action, it gives me motivation to do more. Eventually, they all add up to the big picture getting filled in, so to speak. I hope you’re able to recover from the car accident moving forward and you have access to any help you need.

    1. Thanks, Katy. I agree with the small steps or small things. I know I have to set small goals each day. I am hoping I can find a psychologist or someone who can help me get back on track pre-accident. I start physio on Wednesday and am trying to find some sort of counseling but it’s hard, there is nothing.

  3. This happens to a lot of us. Especially after a traumatic experience. I would encourage you to do as Nike says, and “Just do it.” It’s difficult, and I often feel like I don’t want to do things as well. I can relate to feeling like, “Why bother?” But I just tell myself to do it anyway, and it helps little by little. My husband started taking me on short drives, and even if I do not want to go, I start to feel better much later. Take your time healing though. Recovery is personal.

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