Starting Over

I went and changed everything to friends only and then my paid account expired and I realised I don’t want it friends only… so I have to somehow go back post by post and unlock most of them… it’s gonna take me a while. And one day I’ll start on it but for now. Here’s something I wrote on my website. I have 3 blogs going including this livejournal so not everything is gonna be original. from time to time I may just copy from one of the other ones. But I want to keep this space. So here is what I wrote:

Well it has been 5 days. And I am sticking with it. I did what I said I was going to do. To walk away. And not look back. I can’t say I haven’t looked back. I have. But not in the way I expected. I thought I would miss him. I don’t.

The only way I have looked back is to wonder why the hell I stayed in the first place. To wonder why I let it get that far. I was not being fair to myself. This is how it has to be. I am happy. I am finally for once in my life really happy. I feel like I am going to be able to accomplish what I need and want to do. And that is get out of debt. And get myself to a place I want to be.

Things haven’t been easy. I’ve found myself crying a few times. But not because I want him back. I don’t. I’ve cried because I felt like I should have done it a long time ago and like I didn’t value myself enough to just walk away. And do what I needed to do.

I am truly happy as I said. I feel like it’s a chance to just start over again. To get to know myself better. To really take the time and sort myself out before I get in a relationship with anyone again. It doesn’t have to be long. Or I can take as long as I need. As long as I get it done. As long as I give myself the chance I deserve.

I proved to myself that I could do it. Now I have to prove to myself that I can stick with it. And I can. I will. I’m tired of people telling me what I should be. What I can be. What I can do. And what I’m allowed to do. No one has a right to tell me what to do except me. I’m an adult god dammit and it’s time I started acting like one.

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