It’s mid-year already!

Okay so it was mid-year on the first of the month, but who’s counting? Especially this year! At this time last year Eddie and I took a short trip to the Islands (Briar Island & Long Island, NS) and I took this picture. I don’t remember the exact date but I am pretty sure it was near mid-June. What a difference from last year to this year. It’s a reminder though, that things will be okay. We just have to keep on movin’ on. I am hopeful though for the remainder of the year. I am always hopeful though, it’s sort of in my nature, at least when I am not suffering from depression or anxiety.

January was rough and really all I remember of it was the fires in Australia and the plane crash over Iran in which our dentist Dr. Shari was killed. I was still off work from everything that went on in November and December of 2019, you can read some of those posts if your new or interested in reading more by going to my 2019 archive which goes backward (not the right word but can’t for the life of me think of it right now). February was okay and I applied to Athabasca University and got accepted (not that it’s hard, you pretty much just have to be 19.

March, well we all know what March, April, and May were like for most, if not all of the world. Lockdowns, Coronavirus & COVID-19, and people dying by the hundreds. Not going to go into any of that because there isn’t likely one person on the whole planet who doesn’t know what went and is going on. April took another horrible turn on Saturday, April 18th, and Sunday, April 19th for the people of Nova Scotia. Again not going to write about it as I wrote all about it here other than to say a man dressed as an RCMP officer (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) and drove a replica RCMP car across the top of the province and murdered 22 people.

The second half of April and all of May was mostly just being in lockdown still and trying to come to grips with the above situation as well as COVID-19. Thankfully the end of May and through till now in mid-June we have been seeing some restrictions relaxed and lifted around the province as we recover from the COVID-19 crisis. Our province lost 62 people, most of whom (50-something) were from one long-term care facility in Halifax. We’ve had 1,061 cases (we are a small province of about 940,600), 996 of those who are recovered, which if you do the math means we only have 3 active cases in the province at the moment. We have not had a new case in 5 days.

And that brings us up to today. All I have done today was we took a small drive on a loop through Annapolis Royal (Lequille actually – not that that probably means anything to anyone outside NS), Bear River, Smiths Cove, and back to Deep Brook. I am totally just guessing but I would say 20-30 km maybe if that. We got beef jerky, grabbed a steak from the store, and came home.

Eddie got the bathroom cleaned while I read a chapter and did an assignment in one of my courses and then worked on re-writing all the pages and fixing images on one post on The Great Canadian Housewife and finished tweaking the new theme I am using. Too lazy (and no time) to make one from scratch so just found one that I could easily make look how I wanted which was fairly easy since it is a beautiful and well-made theme by the very talented Tiffany from Beautiful Dawn Designs which I only changed a little bit to fit in with my color scheme and font scheme I want to try and use for a while.

And that’s it. That was the first half of 2020. Mom & Dad have both had their birthdays this month and last, my brothers birthday is on the 21st of June, he’ll be 29 (being 11 years older than him that makes me feel really old!), and myself and Eddie have birthdays on the 6th and 11th (respectively). We are having one party for the two of us at mom and dad’s, a pool party hopefully with an ice-cream cake.

We are unsure yet if anyone else can or will come or not. We are officially allowed gatherings again up to 20 people as long as social distancing (2m/6ft rule) is practiced. At the moment pools are not allowed to open and even though it is a back-yard personal pool we are following the guidelines that if they don’t think it is safe to open pools then we are not having anyone else in the pool but us meaning that we can’t invite anyone, because obviously it would not be fair to invite people and not let them in and we really want to spend the day in the pool if the weather co-operates.

We may invite a friend and her family (hubby and 1 child) over for cake after outside away from the pool (they have their own anyways but I don’t want to have it near the pool as it is not fair to the child even if we are not going in and I am not sure about safety and if it’s safe for her to swim in a pool that we were in previously so no point even going there. So somewhere away from the pool. Luckily we have 3 acres to choose from (well about 1/2 unless we want to be in the woods).

I meant to end this post up there where I said and that’s it… so yep, that’s really it, 2020 so far.

Studying & Organization

One of my main concerns about going to university when I made the decision to go was the fact that I have very little for either organizational or study skills. It’s something I have just never developed. I was horrible at it in high school and that was over 20 years ago now (wow, how time flies!) and I have never really developed any skills in that regard since then.

Like most people, I have had to train for my job(s) in the past and sometimes even had tests or things I had to complete in order to graduate to a full employee, but I have never really had any issues because I have never really gone for any jobs that really challenge me. I’ve stuck to things I know and am good enough at, to not have to worry.

Is that laziness? I don’t know… maybe?

I am hoping that I will develop these skills more as I go, however, it’s something that causes me a lot of anxiety. In the past its always been something that has held me back, caused me to not get the grades I am capable of getting because I am smart enough. I just don’t really know sometimes how to apply myself. How to organize and schedule study time, how to sit for any length of time without getting distracted, how to organize what I am reading, or learning into notes that I can review later when I need to before a quiz or test. All things I just don’t really know how to do.

If anyone is any good at that I would love to hear your tips and tricks or if you’ve made a post about it I would love the link…

I am hopeful that I can do this. In fact, I know I can and I know I will. The issue for me is just how to get there. I have never been more sure of something in my life. I know I can do this and I know I will. I just don’t have a clue how to achieve this. Struggling with chronic fatigue and chronic pain probably won’t help, but again I am determined and know that getting up, getting out, and getting moving helps so much with controlling my fatigue and pain. I hate when I know I need to do something. I know the start point, I know the endpoint, but I have no idea how to get from A to B.

Am I alone in this? I’m going to assume not.

Don’t Let The Panic Set In!

I’ve been working on reading the first chapters of my textbooks for my first 3 courses today for school. I have to say that 2 of them seem really easy but the third I feel already after one chapter that I may be in over my head. I know I am not and that I can work through it but honestly for a few moments there panic set in! I was starting to wonder what I have gotten myself into. I didn’t understand any of the questions in the assignment at the end of the chapter and it was only the first chapter in the “easier” of the 2 computer science courses.

I feel like I know next to nothing about algorithms and I suck at math specifically algebra or computer algebra or symbolic computation or algebraic computation or whatever you want to call it. So what the heck am I doing taking computer science? The book kind of just jumps right into it, assuming that you came right from high school and that algebra is still fairly fresh in your mind and that maybe you took some computer science related courses in high school (was that even a thing when I was in high school 20 some odd years ago?).

So yeah, again momentary panic set in and again I was like what the heck am I doing taking computer science some 20-odd years later? Then I remember that I am actually quite smart, a quick learner, a good researcher and I have almost endless resources at my fingertips (you know, that thing called the internet), that I love computers and that I want to be a website developer and that I have got this. I can do this. I just need to concentrate, take it one step at a time, brush up on things I don’t remember, take crash courses in things I don’t know or understand and make it work.

I don’t have a choice. I have to do this. Failure is not an option. I have spent too much time letting fear and anxiety get in my way and contribute to past failures. I wanted to do this right out of high school but I let my depression and anxiety get in the way. Not this time. I got this. I can figure it all out. The only thing failing this time is depression and anxiety when I overcome them.