Mental Illness & Me

This is always a tough topic for most people to talk about and I am no exception. I really wish I had some of my posts from my blogs from the worst phase, depression wise in my life. They would really provide me with some insight I think into the way my mind works sometimes and maybe some insight for other people in my life to see where I was then and where I am now. I don’t want to say that it is all a thing of the past for me, because it is not. I still and always will suffer from depression, anxiety and panic disorder. It’s not something I think that will ever 100% fully will go away for me.

However, that being said I think I am at one of the best points I have ever been in my life in regards to mental illness and me. That doesn’t mean I don’t still get depressed and have bad thoughts. Not talking suicidal, I have not had those in many many years. I do still sometimes think very negatively about some things that have happened to me past or present. Much like anyone would I guess. I don’t want to say I suffer from PSD because I don’t but sometimes I do have a little bit of stress from past traumas or past life experiences that have affected me. I’m not really going to get into detail about them right now. I’m not sure if there is posts about them on this blog or not but feel free to dig if you want to know. I can’t honestly remember what’s there.

I still have days where I do not want to get out of bed or that I feel things are hopeless or that it will never go away. But I think my depression has changed and evolved a little bit. Now it is more situational. I get depressed or anxious more when I think about certain things then just always feeling depressed or anxious. I think also now that I am married, I have someone to share it with that I feel 100% comfortable sharing with and who feels for me in a way no one ever has. Someone that gets me in a way no one ever has and that helps. Someone who experiences my highs and lows and just rolls with it and works with me to help me learn how to deal with my emotions. If you have someone supportive in your life it helps. I only wish everyone could have some but realize that sometimes some people aren’t so lucky. [...]  READ MORE

April Recap

I want to start posting doing a post each month about my goals for the following month and pick 3 goals that I would like to achieve for the coming month. I would also like to do a post as well at the end of the month of a monthly recap of 3 things that have happened in my life over the last month. I have created a category for each.

Here is a recap of what happened in April.

  1. Going back to work  – So I started off April on Short Term Disability after having my wisdom teeth removed at the end of March and getting a dry socket. I started back to work half way through April on the 15th. My return was uneventful other then the fact that I didn’t get paid for a week because someone at work didn’t get me changed from unpaid STD to paid STD after my claim was approved on time. I was supposed to get paid the extra week this past Thursday and didn’t. I called HR and they advised I would get it on my next pay on May 10th but I have rent to pay and bills coming out automatically. After talking to them they advanced me 60% of what they owed me on May 10th on Friday and I will get the other 40% on May 10th. At least we were able to pay everything on time and are not behind on anything but it still kinda sucked and required borrowing a little from my mom to make that happen. So now we have to pay her back
  2. Edward broke a tooth – So my husband somehow broke a tooth a week ago or so on a plastic bottle (like a pop bottle). No idea how really. He says he just hit it off the top of the bottle when taking a sip. He ended up going a week with a broken tooth. Luckily for him it didn’t hurt at all and no bleeding. It also didn’t end up costing much to fix surprisingly. Yay for 90% dental coverage! He ended up getting it fixed a few days ago and you can not even tell he did it. He also got a few cavities filled while they were at it.
  3.  I started taking the bus to work – Yep. I did. Nothing wrong with the car. It’s just to expensive to park downtown. I think I mentioned this in a post but to me its a big thing. I have anxiety and have panic attacks from time to time and buses have always been a place I have been very uneasy. I do not like crowds and I am also claustrophobic and when the bus is full (which thankfully it hasn’t been too bad due to the time I go to and from work) it makes me really uneasy. I have had panic attacks on the bus before and was of the main reasons I first got a car because I was so uneasy and felt trapped. For me taking the bus is a big step in overcoming all that. I have been medication free for years (well as far as my depression & anxiety, obviously I’m on insulin) and I was concerned I might not be able to handle it and was scared it might trigger bad memories but I am actually quite enjoying it really.

How about you, anything interesting happen this month? [...] 

Insulin & Glucose Monitoring

I am such a baby sometimes. I hate pain. I hate pricking my fingers to test my blood sugar, hence the Freestyle Libre FGM (Flash Glucose Monitor) on my arm. There have been points in my journey so far with learning how to control my blood sugar levels where I have literally had panic attacks when trying to or thinking of checking my blood sugar  with my Contour Next One or giving myself an insulin injection. It’s not so bad now that I am only taking Basaglar once a day and only need to test when my blood sugar levels are changing rapidly  or don’t match how I feel and otherwise can just scan my arm.

When checking my blood sugar with my blood glucose meter instead of the FGM I found it quite painful each and every time I tested. My fingers were a mess as I imagine any diabetics who doesn’t use a FGM or CGM would be and who tests often. They were bruised and sore and sometimes when I pricked my finger and got no blood and so I would squeeze it would not only come out of the hole I just punctured but also sometimes out of old ones as well. It got so painful I would skip checking and wait until I felt really horrible before checking which is why I decided I wanted to see if Manulife would cover the Freestyle Libre and asked my doctor about it after his receptionist who uses it told me about it. Now when I have to use my old machine to test since I do it only occasionally I find I’m not as hesitant and somehow it doesn’t seem to hurt as much.

As for insulin injections I find that they really hurt almost all the time. If the needle itself doesn’t hurt going in then the insulin burns like hell when injecting it. Very rarely is it pain free. I only inject in my stomach because that was the only place they taught me to. I watched videos on my own of injecting into the outer thigh and in the back of the arms but to be honest I am not flexible enough for the back of my arms and am terrified it will hurt, which it might not since out of the 8 or 9 Libre sensors I have applied only the last one I did a few days ago hurt or bled, it did both. The other ones not one of them hurt or bled more then a tiny bit under the sensor. As far as the outer thigh I tried one leg once and thought I was going to pass out from the pain. Then again I am a bit of a wuss. [...]  READ MORE