A Story About A Girl

What do I want to do with my life?

Image Credit: Mudassar Iqbal from Pixabay

A lot has happened in the last month. I have not felt much like posting or doing anything really. I have been really struggling with a lot of stuff. The good news is we have our car back we got it just before Christmas. I am driving again and doing well with it and starting to enjoy it again. I am pretty much back to where I was pre-accident during the day when driving. At night however is still a whole other story. I driven quite a bit at night to pick Edward up but I am so nervous. I figure though that I just need to do it and eventually I will gain that confidence back. I am doing well in that respect.

As for the anxiety and depression I was put on Cymbalta and it is helping. I am now at 60mg and the side effects are low and tolerable. Mostly dry mouth. I am not sleeping at all but wasn’t before starting it so it’s not from the Cymbalta. I am really struggling with being restless at night and being in pain and uncomfortable. I started physio as I mentioned in a previous post but only got to do a few sessions. I had applied again for short-term on the advise of my employer and my doctor but was denied. Short-term in denying me did suggest a gradual return to work so they set that up.

It did not go very well, quite horrible actually. I was actually excited and happy to go back but a little scared on how I would handle it but either way I showed up at about 12:30 for my 1 pm shift. Used the washroom and then was in the lunch room when the branch’s assistant manager (there is no branch manager at that location just an assistant as it is so small) requested I come into her office to talk about my return. I went in and the community manager was sitting there as well.  [...]  READ MORE

It all came tumbling down

Image Credit: PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

Trigger warning: This post could be triggering to some, please read with caution.

I am in a bit of a dark place right now. I am crying a bit as I write this but I need to get it out. I am really having a hard time right now. More so than I ever would have imagined. The car accident has really affected me in more ways then I could ever really have realized. I have become depressed, anxious and having panic attacks, all things that I really thought I had put behind me, that I had gotten under control and then even seemed to have pretty much disappeared. I have been doing so well, even through some pretty rough and tough times. I have been off medication years and not having many symptoms of anxiety and none of depression at all. [...]  READ MORE

First day back

I did okay today, my first day back since being sick and getting in the accident on Saturday. I have to say I had some anxiety about the drive, especially the drive home in the dark. I will admit the drive there involved some tears. I was really anxious and every bump I hit caused the tears to just roll down my face and I was questioning whether or not I was ready to go back or still too soon after the accident but I was okay once I got there and got out of the car. I stopped in Annapolis Royal for something to bring with me for lunch and a bit of a break from the car. After that, I got back in and drove the rest of the way to Bridgetown.

The day went by fairly fast and other than having issues getting up on the task chair at my wicket (I work in a bank) and just some pain and soreness from being up and moving around a lot for the first time since either being sick or the accident, I made out okay. Now I am cuddled up on the couch under my heated blanket, watching TV, writing this and waiting for 9:30 to come along when I have to go get Edward at work. I think I am more anxious about that than anything because the last time I picked him up at 10 is when I hit the deer and I am terrified of it happening again. This area has so many deer and they are really bad at night. Almost every night we see them especially at certain times of the year. We have black bears as well, no moose thankfully but big raccoons and porcupines as well. [...]  READ MORE

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