It’s mid-year already!

Okay so it was mid-year on the first of the month, but who’s counting? Especially this year! At this time last year Eddie and I took a short trip to the Islands (Briar Island & Long Island, NS) and I took this picture. I don’t remember the exact date but I am pretty sure it was near mid-June. What a difference from last year to this year. It’s a reminder though, that things will be okay. We just have to keep on movin’ on. I am hopeful though for the remainder of the year. I am always hopeful though, it’s sort of in my nature, at least when I am not suffering from depression or anxiety.

January was rough and really all I remember of it was the fires in Australia and the plane crash over Iran in which our dentist Dr. Shari was killed. I was still off work from everything that went on in November and December of 2019, you can read some of those posts if your new or interested in reading more by going to my 2019 archive which goes backward (not the right word but can’t for the life of me think of it right now). February was okay and I applied to Athabasca University and got accepted (not that it’s hard, you pretty much just have to be 19.

March, well we all know what March, April, and May were like for most, if not all of the world. Lockdowns, Coronavirus & COVID-19, and people dying by the hundreds. Not going to go into any of that because there isn’t likely one person on the whole planet who doesn’t know what went and is going on. April took another horrible turn on Saturday, April 18th, and Sunday, April 19th for the people of Nova Scotia. Again not going to write about it as I wrote all about it here other than to say a man dressed as an RCMP officer (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) and drove a replica RCMP car across the top of the province and murdered 22 people.

The second half of April and all of May was mostly just being in lockdown still and trying to come to grips with the above situation as well as COVID-19. Thankfully the end of May and through till now in mid-June we have been seeing some restrictions relaxed and lifted around the province as we recover from the COVID-19 crisis. Our province lost 62 people, most of whom (50-something) were from one long-term care facility in Halifax. We’ve had 1,061 cases (we are a small province of about 940,600), 996 of those who are recovered, which if you do the math means we only have 3 active cases in the province at the moment. We have not had a new case in 5 days.

And that brings us up to today. All I have done today was we took a small drive on a loop through Annapolis Royal (Lequille actually – not that that probably means anything to anyone outside NS), Bear River, Smiths Cove, and back to Deep Brook. I am totally just guessing but I would say 20-30 km maybe if that. We got beef jerky, grabbed a steak from the store, and came home.

Eddie got the bathroom cleaned while I read a chapter and did an assignment in one of my courses and then worked on re-writing all the pages and fixing images on one post on The Great Canadian Housewife and finished tweaking the new theme I am using. Too lazy (and no time) to make one from scratch so just found one that I could easily make look how I wanted which was fairly easy since it is a beautiful and well-made theme by the very talented Tiffany from Beautiful Dawn Designs which I only changed a little bit to fit in with my color scheme and font scheme I want to try and use for a while.

And that’s it. That was the first half of 2020. Mom & Dad have both had their birthdays this month and last, my brothers birthday is on the 21st of June, he’ll be 29 (being 11 years older than him that makes me feel really old!), and myself and Eddie have birthdays on the 6th and 11th (respectively). We are having one party for the two of us at mom and dad’s, a pool party hopefully with an ice-cream cake.

We are unsure yet if anyone else can or will come or not. We are officially allowed gatherings again up to 20 people as long as social distancing (2m/6ft rule) is practiced. At the moment pools are not allowed to open and even though it is a back-yard personal pool we are following the guidelines that if they don’t think it is safe to open pools then we are not having anyone else in the pool but us meaning that we can’t invite anyone, because obviously it would not be fair to invite people and not let them in and we really want to spend the day in the pool if the weather co-operates.

We may invite a friend and her family (hubby and 1 child) over for cake after outside away from the pool (they have their own anyways but I don’t want to have it near the pool as it is not fair to the child even if we are not going in and I am not sure about safety and if it’s safe for her to swim in a pool that we were in previously so no point even going there. So somewhere away from the pool. Luckily we have 3 acres to choose from (well about 1/2 unless we want to be in the woods).

I meant to end this post up there where I said and that’s it… so yep, that’s really it, 2020 so far.

Don’t Let The Panic Set In!

I’ve been working on reading the first chapters of my textbooks for my first 3 courses today for school. I have to say that 2 of them seem really easy but the third I feel already after one chapter that I may be in over my head. I know I am not and that I can work through it but honestly for a few moments there panic set in! I was starting to wonder what I have gotten myself into. I didn’t understand any of the questions in the assignment at the end of the chapter and it was only the first chapter in the “easier” of the 2 computer science courses.

I feel like I know next to nothing about algorithms and I suck at math specifically algebra or computer algebra or symbolic computation or algebraic computation or whatever you want to call it. So what the heck am I doing taking computer science? The book kind of just jumps right into it, assuming that you came right from high school and that algebra is still fairly fresh in your mind and that maybe you took some computer science related courses in high school (was that even a thing when I was in high school 20 some odd years ago?).

So yeah, again momentary panic set in and again I was like what the heck am I doing taking computer science some 20-odd years later? Then I remember that I am actually quite smart, a quick learner, a good researcher and I have almost endless resources at my fingertips (you know, that thing called the internet), that I love computers and that I want to be a website developer and that I have got this. I can do this. I just need to concentrate, take it one step at a time, brush up on things I don’t remember, take crash courses in things I don’t know or understand and make it work.

I don’t have a choice. I have to do this. Failure is not an option. I have spent too much time letting fear and anxiety get in my way and contribute to past failures. I wanted to do this right out of high school but I let my depression and anxiety get in the way. Not this time. I got this. I can figure it all out. The only thing failing this time is depression and anxiety when I overcome them.

I Want To Be Hopefull

covid, covid-2019, covid-19

This is going to be another all over the place post and it’s a bit lengthy because once I start sometimes I can’t stop. I think at this point my mind has just decided that it’s shutting down partially to protect me from the emotional side of things. I am doing okay, happy even, sometimes really happy but at the same time, I am really struggling at the same time. I honestly don’t know how to process these past 5 months. To say they have been a mix of the best and the worst of times would be an understatement and COVID-19 is just a small part of it for me (for us). And yet, I am okay. I just need to process things in my own time and just not let the emotions bottle up, which I have not been doing, maybe a bit on this blog but not really.

On Friday the Nova Scotia government announced loosening up on some of the restrictions in place. It seems to me that they are taking it really slow and watching to see how it goes, which I think is a good thing, the whole learn from other’s mistakes and all that. Previously they had re-opened the provincial and municipal trails but that was pretty much it. That was more than a few weeks ago I believe, to be completely honest time seems to be both standing still and racing forward and the weeks seem to bleed into one another at the moment.

Starting yesterday they are allowing two households to join up (two household “bubbles” is the term, I am not sure if this is a Canadianism or not) to hang out at one house or the other without social distancing providing that they are mutually exclusive and do not join up with more than one household. There are still fines for violating social distancing in place and will be for a while I’m sure. It seems multiple provinces are doing this now. Which is good. I think. Honestly, I don’t know anymore.

Overall, I feel as if both Edward and I have been handling the whole COVID-19 situation okay considering, It’s everything else that we haven’t been handling well. This has been 5 months of pure hell for everyone I know, for everyone who lives in my province or has any connection with it and some of that hell is a little personal. I had some major issues with depression and anxiety even before this hit with COVID-19. It’s no wonder though. It started with the car accident in October and spiraled from there. If you had asked me at the end of 2019 if I thought 2020 could be any worse than the end of 2019 I would have said no. And I would have been so so wrong. Yet, there have been some really great times thrown in there as well. Some real breakthroughs for me as well.

This was taken last year when we were camping on my parent’s property.

I am looking forward to going to the beach. I don’t even have to worry about crowds as we have beachfront property access on the St Mary’s Bay. This is something I am looking forward to, it keeps me going, keeps us going, keeps us all going. I have never gone swimming there (not on that side but I have on the side of Digby Neck), just gone walking when the tide was out in the wet sand. It was one thing I really enjoyed about last summer and I am looking forward to it again. We can camp, we can swim, wade, walk, and beachcomb. I have never loved Nova Scotia more then I do right now and I have loved it here since day one. I will love it to my very last breath I imagine.

My parents seem to be dealing with everything for the most part as well. It’s been hard for everyone, my brother especially. My mom is in good spirits and was keeping herself busy knitting and with crafts and DIY projects. My dad has had a harder time, mostly because of pain and weakness from a herniated disk and pinched nerve in his back. He is awaiting surgery for it. No telling when that will happen, but he has been gardening when he can, cleaning up down at the beach and camp (about a 1km walk from the house through woods behind the backyard) and just generally switching between puttering around and trying to stay active and sleeping and resting when he needs too. Other than that it’s hard to tell with him. He keeps things to himself, always has. He’s loving and caring, but just likes his privacy and doesn’t complain much.

They were both excited to see me yesterday and today. Mom and I bought a Cricut Explore Air 2 yesterday and we played around with it a bit yesterday and today. We did the above glass as a test just to see what we could do with it, my parents are renewing their vows next year down at the beach and my cousin who owns the property is planning it (she lives in Connecticut) and mom and I are going to make her dress and all the decorations. We did everything for our wedding as well. I absolutely love the Cricut. There is so much you can do with it!

That’s been our weekend mostly. I felt bad for Edward because he worked both days, he’s off tomorrow though, it’s Victoria Day, a holiday in most provinces. He’s also off Thursday and then this coming Saturday as well. We are going to spend some time with mom and dad and my brother tomorrow and on Saturday we were planning on going to a local trail for a hike as it’s something we can actually do now, all day-use provincial parks are open so long as we still distance when we come into contact with anyone. It’s one we’ve never been to before called Mickey Hill Provincial Park and it’s less than 10 minutes away and it opened for the season yesterday at 8 a.m.

We need to get out after everything going on so far this year. It’s been a bad one, not just COVID-19 but more everything else that’s been going on as I mentioned above. It’s been a devastating year for us, for all of us. I don’t think there is one person that I know that has not been affected by the events since Jan 1st. In January our dentist was killed when her plane was shot down outside Tehran in Iran. Nova Scotia, more specifically Halifax lost a number of people in that incident, mostly professionals and students.

Then after that the events in April with the mass murder in Portapique in which someone with ties to our family was killed as well as 22 other people (I did not know them personally but honestly it was so horrible that everyone is dealing with it) and then the military helicopter crash off of Greece that killed 6 all of which most had a tie to Nova Scotia, some were from here. May 6th and the days and week’s following were devastating again as a 3-year-old from Truro went missing and has not been found and then today, we’ve had another tragedy for the province. One of the Canadian Snowbirds (an aerobatics team) planes crashed during their country-wide tour in support of the victims of the previous 2 incidents I mentioned. It crashed near Kamloops, BC, and one of the pilots was a Nova Scotian from Halifax. It’s just been non-stop.

So, yeah, basically I am done with the first half of 2020. I know it’s not technically till the end of June, but I am done with it now. I am ready to move on and make the rest of the year more positive, find the positives in as much as possible. I am not worried about this as I know I’ve got this, but it’s hard all the same. I just feel like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet and I am falling and falling. I know I am not the only one though and that keeps me going. I know my family and friends and strangers are suffering just as much as I am. COVID-19 is just an added insult to the misery that has been 2020 so far.

And that is why I need to keep looking on the bright side, wherever that is… not really finding it right now sitting here with tears streaming down my face as I think of all this while my husband sleeps on the couch at 1:30 a.m. but whatever, it is what it is. He’s always here for me and me him so I am not worried about that either. We are solid and that brings me some relief. I should really wake him up though and go to bed.