I did okay today, my first day back since being sick and getting in the accident on Saturday. I have to say I had some anxiety about the drive, especially the drive home in the dark. I will admit the drive there involved some tears. I was really anxious and every bump I hit caused the tears to just roll down my face and I was questioning whether or not I was ready to go back or still too soon after the accident but I was okay once I got there and got out of the car. I stopped in Annapolis Royal for something to bring with me for lunch and a bit of a break from the car. After that, I got back in and drove the rest of the way to Bridgetown.
The day went by fairly fast and other than having issues getting up on the task chair at my wicket (I work in a bank) and just some pain and soreness from being up and moving around a lot for the first time since either being sick or the accident, I made out okay. Now I am cuddled up on the couch under my heated blanket, watching TV, writing this and waiting for 9:30 to come along when I have to go get Edward at work. I think I am more anxious about that than anything because the last time I picked him up at 10 is when I hit the deer and I am terrified of it happening again. This area has so many deer and they are really bad at night. Almost every night we see them especially at certain times of the year. We have black bears as well, no moose thankfully but big raccoons and porcupines as well.
My anxiety has been getting the best of me lately. Not to the point that I feel I need help or medication but just to the point where it’s a bit of an annoyance as I get anxious or panic over stupid stuff. Stuff I know I have no control over and just need to not worry about. If they are going to happen they are going to happen kinda thing. I am going to keep an eye on it. Not really a fan of being medicated for my anxiety or depression, I would much rather talk to someone or go to therapy, sometimes talking helps a lot.
On my way home I was okay. I kept thinking about how dark it was and how easy it would be for something to run out in front of me, but nothing did. It’s just my subconscious’ reminder to keep on the lookout I guess or an over-reactive imagination maybe? Who knows.
I stopped on the way at the store in Cornwallis (a decommissioned navy base I live next too) at the mall and YMCA and noticed as I drove up that there were a lot of people outside and just inside the doors. Then I saw one of the girls that work in the store and knew something was going on. I parked and got out and as I approached a guy said everything was closed for the moment. I never did get the pizza I meant to pop in the oven. Guess I’m gonna have to find something else for supper
I left and went home and got changed and as I was doing that I could hear sirens and a fire truck go by. Not sure exactly what happened but hope it’s not anything too serious, a false alarm or something maybe.
Tomorrow I am actually working at the branch of my bank in Annapolis Royal from 1 to 5 pm. I have been wanting for a long time to get into some other branches. I like the variety and since it is even closer to me then my main branch works out well. Plus as my manager said for tomorrow it would mean a shorter shift and not as far to drive since I am still sore. She’s been wanting to get me into other branches as well. I like the idea of floating around where needed. Honestly, I do. Maybe one day it will get tiring but for right now I really do like the variety of it. So I am excited about that
One thing I have noticed over the years since being diagnosed in my early 20’s with fibromyalgia is that it tends to intensify everything else that is going on. Whether it is a psych issue such as anxiety or depression, a physical issue such as osteoarthritis or a disease such as type 2 diabetes, fibromyalgia seems to make dealing with them so much harder. I have learned a lot over the years about my chronic illnesses but there are times when they still take me by surprise and times when I wish things could go back to the days before any of this started affecting me. If there ever really was such days. Honestly, I can’t really remember a time that I didn’t get sick easily or injured easily. Even as a child I had strep throat and ear infections constantly. I caught everything going around from rubella as a baby to chickenpox to scarlet fever mumps, measles, and hand, foot, and mouth among others. I’m surprised I didn’t have the plague to be absolutely honest.
I am very prone to injury. I am not sure if this is just because I am clumsy or if it is more related to the fact that people with fibromyalgia seem to be more prone to falls. One study mentioned on WebMD suggests that this is because people with fibromyalgia tend to have balance issues. We apparently score worse on balance tests than people who don’t have fibromyalgia. It also mentions that the number of medications had no relationship with the scores but as we take more medications typically it can’t be ruled out. Not sure how they came up with that one…
In the early years of my diagnosis, my balance seemed to be pretty good. I really didn’t have many issues. Over the years, however, my balance has really declined. I started suffering about 10 years ago with severe bouts of vertigo that would render me immobile. This seems to come and go. Remittent and recurring it seems.
When I am injured either due to a fall or impact or something else I tend to heal a lot slower them most healthy people. Even long before the type 2 diabetes diagnosis, this has been something I have noticed a lot I seem to take two to three times as long as most people I know who are relatively healthy. Sometimes I even start to get better and then easily re-injure myself or if it’s an illness then I seem to get better only to then start getting worse, sometimes even worse than the first time.
This was the case with my leg the summer before last. One fall caused me to injure my knee and ankle and it took forever to heal. When I was finally starting to feel better I fell again and the second time through the fall was less of an impact (falling in the tub vs a fall downstairs) I was hurt even worse. Then the time I spent on crutches causes a shoulder and wrist injury that took forever to heal and I ended up having to forgo the crutches for a rented wheelchair for over a month. I’m actually still not fully healed. I still have tons of pain from all the injuries almost a year and a half ago. I was diagnosed with Osteoarthritis in my left hip and knee during all this and was sent to a specialist.
It would take both my fingers and toes to count the number of sprains, strains, pulls, tears and even breaks I have had over the years. Even when I was a child actually. They put it down to be being clumsy but honestly looking back I really wasn’t. I have always been careful and paid attention and gone slow. I was never one to rush anything just ask my husband and parents
Dermatographia & Rosacea
I also have two skin conditions known as dermatographia and rosacea. Both are quite common in people with fibromyalgia, comorbid conditions (oddly enough they are not listed in that list) that are often present in people with fibromyalgia. Rosacea primarily affects the face but can affect your chest and neck as well. It causes inflammation and swelling on the cheeks, nose, and forehead. The skin typically looks red and inflamed. Facial flushing is common with rosacea as well as a bumpy look. One of the main causes for me is stress or just being overtired or sick. Any sort of stress causes a flare. With rosacea itself, I do not experience and pain or itchiness typically.
Then there is the second condition dermatographia aka skin writing. This comes and goes for me as well in flares and is usually worse when sick, overtired or stressed. This one causes me a lot of annoyance. My skin is always itchy and dry no matter how much I moisturize it or what moisturizer I use. Most moisturizers actually aggravate it. Anything with feverfew is a no go for me. Typically suggested for rosacea it just makes me miserable. I found this out with Aveeno Ultra Calming lotion. It made my skin crawl for days after using just a little. I was tested for an allergy to it and I do not have one. My dermatologist at the time thought it might be from the dermatographia but was not really sure.
I can skin write. Sometimes very plainly and easily but I don’t because it really makes my symptoms worse and makes me miserable so anytime anyone who finds out I have it asks I refuse to show them typically. It just makes me so uncomfortable and itchy. My diagnosis with it was a weird one: about 3 years ago Eddie and I were trying to get pregnant and as part of the blood work etc, I was diagnosed officially (finally) with type 2 diabetes. During this time they decided it would be best for me to start on insulin right away.
I was put on the fast-acting insulin Humalog. I had a 15-minute appointment with a nurse who showed me how to inject the insulin in my stomach and was provided with a Novopen 3, a box of BD ultrafine pen needles and a script for Humalog and one for test strips. This was my pre-Freestyle Libre days. I was also given a 15 minute consultation with a nutritionist who said I should avoid eating sugar and sugary foods and eat some vegetables (no shit sherlock) and proceeded to provide me with a couple of recipies by email with turned out to be smoothies with a ton of sugar and some sort of protein pancake recipe which my best friend (who is a nutritionist) said was full of carbs and not so good for me.
Once home I started injecting myself at the next meal. Very little info was given on how to bolus for carbs etc. It was just “make your meals each a set number of carbs and use this much insulin at each meal” kind thing. I struggled with it. After about a week I noticed big welts each time I injected. I thought I was doing something wrong. Called them up went back was told I was likely not sticking the needle in far enough (I was, it was a 4mm needle and it was flush with my skin) and told to go to a 5mm needle. So I bought a new box. This did not help.
After injecting my skin around it would become really itchy, inflamed and welted. My dad injects insulin and said this should not be happening. Ocassionally yes if I actually did not get it in all the way and the insulin was too close to the surface but not each and every time. He watched me inject, gave me pointers and still it persisted.
They switched me about 4 times to different types of fast-acting insulin but it still happened. It sometimes would stick around long enough that the next time I would still have an old one. I took pictures and posted them on a facebook group for diabetics and was told no, this should not happen. So off to an allergist I went. She did allergy testing and said I was not allergic to insulin. Instead, she diagnosed me with dermatographia. I could always skin write but had no idea it was a “condition” or not normal.
Type 2 Diabetes & Neuropathy
As mentioned above I was diagnosed in 2016 with type 2 diabetes and later with associated neuropathy in my hands and feet. Obviously this is a totally unrelated disease but sometimes the two seem to feed off each other for me. Especially the neuropathy. Fibromyalgia seems to make it so much harder to bear at times as I am so sensitive to pain, especially nerve-related pain.
Diabetes itself is not really made worse by fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia in itself will not cause or make my sugars any higher. That’s mostly diet, lack of exercise and the fact that my body either does not produce enough insulin or can not use the insulin it does produce effectively. One really has nothing to do with the other.
My body must have had issues now for a while though utilizing or producing insulin though because I have been diagnosed with diabetic neuropathy rather early in my diabetes diagnosis. It was only about 8 months before my diagnosis that my doctor suggesting I might be pre-diabetic.
Diabetic neuropathy is caused by high blood sugar injuring your nerves. It can cause a burning sensation (pain) and numbness (tingling) in your hands, legs, and feet. It can cause issues with your digestive tract and urinary tract and issues with your blood vessels and heart.
I have both peripheral neuropathy and autonomic neuropathy. Peripheral neuropathy is what causes the burning sensations, numbness or tingling, loss of sensation, reduced ability to feel pain or temperature changes, muscle weakness, and sharp pains or cramps. loss of reflexes, balance and coordination, ulcers and other serious foot problems and infections. Mine is mild to moderate.
The autonomic nervous system is what controls your stomach and intestines, your heart, bladder, your sex organs, and your eyes. Autonomic neuropathy is when diabetes affects the nerves in these areas. The main symptom for me with this is a lack of awareness when my blood sugar goes low called hypoglycemia unawareness, something else I have been diagnosed with. For some reason, I find fibromyalgia really seems to play havoc with this. Instead of just not knowing when I am low I seem to get false symptoms, high symptoms when I am low and low when I am high, etc. I have no idea what the reasoning behind this is and I can find little to no information on it. However, when I am in a fibro flare this always seems to be much worse.
One of the things I am really looking forward to and really hoping my insurance will cover is the Freestyle Libre 2. Which has added Bluetooth and alarms that push to your phone or reader when you go below a certain blood sugar level. While not a full CGM like Dexcom because you still have to “scan” to get your actual glucose level it will at least alarm you when you are going low so that you can head off an extreme low. This will help with someone like me who doesn’t feel when they are going low or for peace of mind when your diabetic child is sleeping at night and goes low.
My insurance will not cover a Dexcom continuous glucose monitor unless you are type 1. Which I think is antiquated as for one, studies have shown there is actually 5 types of diabetes, something that is becoming widely more accepted.
Cluster 1: Called “severe autoimmune diabetes,” this form is similar to type 1 diabetes. People in this cluster were relatively young when they were diagnosed, and they were not overweight. They had an immune system (autoimmune) disease that prevented them from producing inulin.
Cluster 2: Called “severe insulin-deficient diabetes,” this form was similar to cluster 1 — people were relatively young at diagnosis and were not overweight. They were also not producing much insulin. But, crucially, their immune system was not the cause of their disease. People in this cluster “looked for all the world like [they had] type 1” diabetes, but they didn’t have “autoantibodies” that indicate type 1, Wyne said. Researchers aren’t sure why this happens, but people in this group may have a deficiency in the cells that produce insulin.
Cluster 3: Called “severe insulin-resistant diabetes,” this form occurred in people who were overweight and had high insulin resistance, meaning their bodies were making insulin, but their cells were not responding to it.
Cluster 4: Called “mild obesity-related diabetes,” this form occurred in people who had a milder form of the disease, without as many metabolic problems as those in cluster 3, and they tended to be obese.
Cluster 5: Called “mild age-related diabetes,” this form was similar to cluster 4, but the people were older at their age of diagnosis. This was the most common form of diabetes, affecting about 40 percent of people in the study.
So I really hope that they will cover the Freestyle Libre 2 since they cover the original. If Health Canada ever approves it for sale in Canada. Anyway, end rant, so basically the neuropathies cause some major issues and combined with fibromyalgia as well it can be a bit of a nightmare. As with what I mentioned above about injuring my leg last year and then the whole thing with my Wisdom teeth and now what I have gone through the last month with a simple tooth extraction of a tooth with a failed root canal and infection, fibromyalgia can really exacerbate and make things that much worse.
Does it technically do this or does it just feel like it does? I really don’t know. All I know is tons of other people I have talked to with fibromyalgia agree that 1) they usually have multiple comorbid and not comorbid conditions along with it. It’s such a broad diagnosis anyways and 2) that they feel that it worsens their symptoms for other things such as depression and anxiety or other mental disorders as well as many other disorders, diseases, conditions, syndromes, etc.
If you made it to the end of this post I commend you and would offer you a lollipop but I don’t have any
This is always a tough topic for most people to talk about and I am no exception. I really wish I had some of my posts from my blogs from the worst phase, depression wise in my life. They would really provide me with some insight I think into the way my mind works sometimes and maybe some insight for other people in my life to see where I was then and where I am now. I don’t want to say that it is all a thing of the past for me, because it is not. I still and always will suffer from depression, anxiety and panic disorder. It’s not something I think that will ever 100% fully will go away for me.
However, that being said I think I am at one of the best points I have ever been in my life in regards to mental illness and me. That doesn’t mean I don’t still get depressed and have bad thoughts. Not talking suicidal, I have not had those in many many years. I do still sometimes think very negatively about some things that have happened to me past or present. Much like anyone would I guess. I don’t want to say I suffer from PSD because I don’t but sometimes I do have a little bit of stress from past traumas or past life experiences that have affected me. I’m not really going to get into detail about them right now. I’m not sure if there is posts about them on this blog or not but feel free to dig if you want to know. I can’t honestly remember what’s there.
I still have days where I do not want to get out of bed or that I feel things are hopeless or that it will never go away. But I think my depression has changed and evolved a little bit. Now it is more situational. I get depressed or anxious more when I think about certain things then just always feeling depressed or anxious. I think also now that I am married, I have someone to share it with that I feel 100% comfortable sharing with and who feels for me in a way no one ever has. Someone that gets me in a way no one ever has and that helps. Someone who experiences my highs and lows and just rolls with it and works with me to help me learn how to deal with my emotions. If you have someone supportive in your life it helps. I only wish everyone could have some but realize that sometimes some people aren’t so lucky.
If I am having a problem at work or at home I still dwell on it more then is healthy. I over analyze and get frustrated and angry very easy. More them most people? Well, who am I to say. Everyone is different. Even situations in my own life though seeming similar to past situations may not be the same from one time to the next. And I also worry so much about things that are beyond my control. Before my depression was a constant in my life that I could always depend on to be there. It was something familiar that I just took for granted would always be there.
Then I had a few years where it was almost non-existent. I even thought I was cured and no longer needed medication. I am now resigned to the fact that even though I am not on and do not need medication at the present that I may in fact need it in the future at some point. I also realize fully that I may not and that there are so many factors that go into it that it is impossible to predict and that if I do need to go back on medication for my depression, anxiety or panic attacks at some point down the road that it is not a failure but in fact the exact opposite. It is a win. Why? Well because to me failing to notice and/or denying there is an issue, that would be more of a failure then recognizing I need help. It’s okay to need help, but it is imperative to ask for it and not to just wait for it to be offered.