Ever wonder what you are doing on the earth? Like, what your purpose in life is? I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I feel so much like something is missing. Like I am not living up to my full potential and that there is something more that I need to do.
I can’t help but wonder what it is. Does everyone think like this? Am I the only one? Sometimes I feel like I just have so many questions. I have been thinking a lot about people in my life that are no longer in my life. I don’t mean ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, or people I have known briefly. I mean my friends and family who have lived and died.
I don’t know why I am thinking about death all of a sudden. I just wonder why some people live long lives but don’t really seem to affect anyone other then their close friends and family and why others are taken from us too suddenly. Why were their lives cut short? Did they reach their purpose? Is that why they are gone?
Then I wonder about myself. I feel like I have some further purpose that I have yet to figure out and it stumps me. I can’t help but feel that I was meant for more then just working in a call center for the rest of my life.
I can not get up the courage to go to the bank though and ask about a student loan to go back to school. I am so scared of being rejected. My history with the subject of money and loans has not been that great.
I got a loan to go to go back to school a few years after graduating high school and I was never able to pay it back, part of the reason I declared bankruptcy a few years ago. I had other dept as well. I had a car that I had a year before getting into a bad accident, getting hurt and totaling the car. I was left with thousands of dollars on a car loan that I no longer even had the car. My insurance did not cover it all.
I took web design and internet publishing sometime around 2001 or 2002. I finished it but really had very little interest in pursuing it as a career at the time, still don’t. I enjoy blogging but I hate trying to put something together for someone else. I just don’t feel like that was what I was meant to do either.
I did it, took the course that is, because my parents pushed me to do something. I was at home, I was suffering really bad from anxiety and depression and they wanted me to have something to occupy my mind, to give me something to do. So I decided to go into web design because at the time I enjoyed it. That got old fast though and I just did not enjoy it the way I thought I would.
Now years later I am questioning everything I have ever done. I have never held a job that I really love. Even the one I am in now. I enjoy it, and it is close to what I want but not fully. It just does not feel like it’s what I want to do for ever either.
Thinking about friends and family members who have lost their lives early it makes be uncomfortable thinking that I am just wasting time. Time that it seems I have so little of in the great scheme of things. Everyone is allotted time and it seems like most don’t know how much time they have. How could you really? Maybe some do, who knows…
All I know is I feel like I should be moving towards something else. I want so bad to have kids and to work with kids. The more and more I think about it, the more I feel that like my parents one of my “callings” is to take in and love and teach and be a parent to a child who may not have a chance otherwise.
I really am thinking that I was meant to foster a child or adopt a child. Cory does not agree or disagree. He just seems impassive about it, as he is with so much else right now. It concerns me. I love him and am concerned sometimes that he has just given up or is just not as passionate as I am. Or maybe he just has not figured it all out yet either.
I really need to figure some things out. I know what I want. I just have not figured out how to get myself there yet. I have such a hard time getting motivated. I feel its the same with Cory. I need to push us both. But how do you push someone else when you can’t even push yourself?
It feels kinda like being trapped under ice, you can see the hole for air but you are having such a hard time getting there to get any.
I have to admit I am being lazy and writing up some of my blog posts ahead of time right now. So that I do not fall back into the rut of not posting for weeks, and this is one of them. C’est La Vie! So, what’s in a name? By this I mean A Story About A Girl or storyboutagirl.org. I feel like giving a bit of a back history about the domain name, my blogging and whatever else I can think of related to this.
If you have read my about section then you may already know that the name is based off of an Our Lady Peace (OLP) song called Story About A Girl off of their Gravity album. If you want to check out some of their songs you can check out their iTunes page.
I have really been itching to go to some museums this summer. I love history, especially the local history. This morning after we got up we decided to head to a farm museum that is about an hours drive from the city, called Ross Farm Museum. So we headed out of the city with Cory’s cousin Scotty and went for a little drive. From the brochure:
A Brief History… In July 1816, six companies of Nova Scotia Fencible Infantry disbanded at Halifax and spread out onto free land offered for past service. Captain William Ross, leading the men, was asked by the Earl of Dalhousie, Lietenant-Govenor of Nova Scotia to take 172 disbanded soldiers and their families and start a new settlement called Sherbrooke (now called New Ross).
The Ross Farm Museum is located on 60 acres (25 hectares) of the original 800 acres (325 hectares) given to granted to Captain Ross. Five generations of the Ross family lived and worked on the farm between 1816 and 1969, when it was turned into a museum by the New Ross District Museum society after purchase.
Today… You can see heritage breeds of sheep, chicken, pigs, cattle, oxen and horses that were common in rural Nova Scotia farms in the 1800’s at the Ross Farm Museum.
Domesticated animals are an important part of everyday life at the museum. The oxen help cultivate the land, harvest crops and move heavy objects. Many objects from the early days of farming in Nova Scotia are on display at the museum.
Above is Rose Bank Cottage, the main house on the farm. It’s a working farm, meaning that they still farm the land, bake, blacksmithing, and tons of other stuff. It’s been a really long time since I have been here and have been wanting to go for a long time.
This is the main bedroom in the house, all furniture is period furniture from early 1800’s to the late 1960’s when the house was turned into a museum. It was made locally and came from the house or other houses in the area. Not all of it belonged to the Ross family however I believe this bedstead did if I remember correctly.
The butter above was churned fresh while we were standing in the cottage watching. It was really cool to watch. There was biscuits and real butter and lemonade after the butter was churned. Unfortunately due to health regulations they are not allowed to serve the fresh churned butter, so it was store bought for us.
Here is the finished product, it is hard to tell from the picture but it is a nice bright buttery yellow and it smelled really good. Notice the stamp on the top? They had little wooden thing they put it in that measured out 1/2 lb and stamped the farm name on the top.
The women churning the butter told us that they did that so that if you were purchasing the butter at the market years ago it was tamped, that way if you were not happy with it you would be able to identify the butter and ensure you purchased butter from another farm.
Above, according to Cory, I did not hear them say this, is a cream separator apparently. I Google’d it and it does appear to be correct. I love old machinery and whatnot.
This one room school house was across and down a little bit from the main house, Rose Bank Cottage. It is original to the area and time period but was moved to the current location from off of the original 800 acres. It’s interesting to see because my mother went to a school that was almost identical in her town. They all had a very similar and simple design.
This is the barn that was next to the house, inside was all kinds of wooden things that they made on the farm; rakes, spoons, snow shoes, etc. Things that would have been used around the farm, and actually still are, they are also sold at the gift shop when you first come in.
We took a hay ride, minus the hay through the farm as it is a long way all the way around. This is the wagon we got into. The horses are well trained. Thank god!
Above is a working blacksmith. They had tons of stuff inside, the light was kinda bad and my flash was not working well so I only got decent pictures of the outside of the building. I am not sure if this is original or not, but they hand a mixture of original and replica stuff inside. I wanted a horseshoe so bad!
Another view of the Ross Bank Cottage with Rhubarb in front. When we went inside to watch the butter churning at the end when they gave us fresh biscuits and butter there was home made strawberry rhubarb jam as well. Mmm… so good!
Just before we got onto the wagon ride this little guy wandered up to us for a rub up against our leg, before I could get my camera he ran back under one of the barns and hid. They told us that people drop kittens off in the middle of the night, I guess figuring that they will be well cared for, but they get so many.
One woman asked if she could take one of them home and after talking to her about it for a bit they reluctantly agreed. I think it must be hard for them cause they just run wild all over the place but at the same time they are not an animal shelter, they are a farm. They say that if you take one home its at your own risk, as you don’t know anything about their health and they do not spay or give them shots. I would think they would not want them running all over the place breeding either…
This sleigh caught my eye. I love them.They were a big part of getting around here in winter before everyone and their dog had a car. I don’t imagine many are still used today. I really loved this one though.
This was quite common in the 1800’s and early 1900’s. Peddler’s would travel around the country side peddling whatever goods they could get their hands on, often trading things and re-purposing things. Old school recycling?
The above barrels were being made for apples, some sort of market that will be going on soon. They make barrels mostly for dry goods due to the type of wood available on the farm. We sat and watched a barrel being made almost from scratch. They place the barrel over a funny shaped wooden stove to shape it. It got real hot, real fast. I’m not sure how they can/could stand it!
This cider press was in one of the outbuildings, that housed a ton of old horse drawn farm equipment and machinery. They make cider on the farm as well in the fall & winter. As the farm is open in the winter & fall I am seriously thinking of visiting for some cider and pumpkin pie. Yum.
Local children plant pumpkins in this pumpkin patch each year and number the sticks, when they are large enough they come back, pick their pumpkin and make pumpkin pie. They have a bunch of school related programs on the farm.
This little cutie pie took a liking to me. When we were heading back to the front of the farm to leave she followed us all the way from Rose Bank Cottage back to the parking lot. Along the way she took off after something up a tree. We stopped to watch and then she seemed to realize how high up she was ( I say she cause I just thought of it as a she, but really I never checked lol).
I had to coax her back down branch by branch from half way up the tree. She jumped into my arms and cuddled. She was purring a lot. She then followed us the rest of the way to the gift shop. While we were using the wash rooms in the gift shop she took off into the parking lot which had about 7-10 cars and she got underneath ours and layed down, we found her there interestingly enough when we approached the car. She tried climbing in. I had to put her back over the fence a few times before we could leave.
Another couple had to watch her to make sure she did not run back to the car as I was backing up. She then took off not interested in them at all. I wanted her so bad but there was no point in even asking as we are in a small apartment, have one 3 year old neutered male who I am not sure would take to another cat around. Not to mention I would not want her near him till she was checked out by a vet and confirmed healthy. If we had a bigger place I would have probably asked if we could have her.
Anyways, that was our Saturday afternoon. It was a lovely day at almost 30°C (86°F). We had a really nice time but I was a little sad to leave the kitten there . On the way home we took the old highway (non twinned) back most of the way, we pulled off down a side road that I knew went down to the ocean. The point was to let Cory and Scotty out for a smoke and take some pictures.
However the car decided at that time to act up. When they got out and closed the doors the “passenger door open” light came on and no matter what we tried we could not get it to go back off. Even after opening and closing all doors, checking for gravel and what have you, nothing worked. In turn this caused the dome lights to stay on the whole drive back and the car would not auto lock like it normally does when you go over 15 km/hour and the open door chime went every few seconds all the way home.
Needless to say I was not happy. I called the dealership and left a message to warn them I would be calling again on Monday morning. Since they still have my second key that does not work. But we made it home in one piece and when I tried to see what was going on when I got home it stopped doing it and started working fine. Go figure.