I’m so over 2020

I know most people are by now, not just me. Things just keep spiraling out of control. I guess I will start with the good news and transition into the bad. We are now on day 16 of no new COVID-19 cases in the province and all cases are resolved, we have no active cases and only 2 people in the hospital recovering. We apparently are doing a good job of social distancing and re-opening the province. The 4 premiers of Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, PEI, and Newfoundland have made the decision to open our borders to each other as of July 1st. And all but New Brunswick have no cases and New Brunswick seems to have theirs under control and all cases they do have stem from one careless doctor.

That’s good news in a way because it means we can camp, vacation, etc within the four provinces without having to quarantine for 14 days. We all pretty much have the same rules in place so we can have gatherings of up to 10 people who are friends or family without social distancing but it’s suggested that we stay exclusive and don’t visit anyone outside our groups of 10. We can also have groups of up to 50 if social distancing measures are in place. they suggest that it be outdoors and that we wear non-medical masks but they haven’t made it a requirement. In one way that is good. We are currently in the middle of a heatwave that has been about 5 days so far of 20-30°C weather with the humidex in the mid 30 to mid 40°C.

So it is hot and the next two weeks look like much of the same. Nova Scotia and New Brunswick both have shattered a bunch of high-temperature records over the last few days on a number of days and we are on course I think for the hottest June ever in our history. Thankfully my parents have their pool up. I am not sure if we are even going to get the other one up here because there is an issue with the pump. So we might just use theirs. They are about 15-20 minutes away and the pool is 24ft long by 12ft wide so it’s huge and it’s 52 inches deep and we can go in it whenever even if they are not home.

I feel over the last few days as if I am melting. The humidity is absolutely insane and we get humidity a lot here so I am used to it but this is like days on end of 100% humidity and nights too. On top of all that my parents’ cat Pumpkin went missing on Sunday. They looked for him for all day Sunday and all day Monday and we did when we were over too. On Tuesday night we went looking again and I found him at the side of the road. I don’t know what made me look there cause he never went near the road but I was walking with my brother and he pointed out some rags and I knew instantly that it was him.

I sent my brother to get my dad or husband and Eddie came back and we buried him in the back yard. I had a rough day yesterday and pretty much cried all day over it. He was one of the best cats. Such a sweet little thing. Before anyone says anything about him being outside. He was a stray. He had been outside most of his life when my parents took him (he was given to them to be a barn cat essentially) and he was an outside cat. They always gave him the option of coming in and tried to keep him in but other than cold nights in the winter he just would not stay in. He found ways to get out every time they tried.

Today I am doing a bit better and concentrating on school work (taking a break to write this) and then tonight I am going to write some content maybe for The Great Canadian Housewife if I have the energy as I have neglected that a little as well due to things going on. I am just trying to keep my mind off it. I had a phone appointment with my psychologist yesterday and we talked it over and she said I am dealing well with it and I feel I am, at the moment. Just mostly snuggling with Max and with my hubby when he’s not at work and watching some shows. We watched Unorthodox together over the last 2-3 days and we also watched all of Season’s 3 and 4 of Queer Eye: More than a Makeover as he had not seen those two seasons yet and I want to watch 5 and he had previously watched 1 and 2 with me and wanted to watch 5 as well.

Other then that I got an email yesterday from Athabasca University saying I was overdue on my tuition and that I would be suspended if I did not pay it by this coming Tuesday. The thing is student loans sent them the money directly almost a month ago on May 27th, 2020 and of course, neither Athabasca is not taking calls right now due to COVID-19 and have a wait time of 2-3 weeks on replying to you from pretty much any department (which is ridiculous when you have a question for your academic advisor!) and as far as NSLSC is concerned they sent it and the school got it, so now the school is going to suspend me likely for their own mistake if someone does not read my email in time.

Needless to say, I am not happy. I have tried everything. I have emailed my academic advisor, the student center, the finance department, the BsCIS (Bachelor of Computer and Information Systems) department and so hopefully someone will get it before Tuesday. So in the meantime, I am just continuing with the school as long as I have access and then whenever they do get to it I am going to complain my ass off till they do something about it. I might have to call student loans back and also see if there is some governing body I can call as well. I am sure there is. Just no idea who.

So not impressed with 2020… I’m over it.

I Want To Be Hopefull

covid, covid-2019, covid-19

This is going to be another all over the place post and it’s a bit lengthy because once I start sometimes I can’t stop. I think at this point my mind has just decided that it’s shutting down partially to protect me from the emotional side of things. I am doing okay, happy even, sometimes really happy but at the same time, I am really struggling at the same time. I honestly don’t know how to process these past 5 months. To say they have been a mix of the best and the worst of times would be an understatement and COVID-19 is just a small part of it for me (for us). And yet, I am okay. I just need to process things in my own time and just not let the emotions bottle up, which I have not been doing, maybe a bit on this blog but not really.

On Friday the Nova Scotia government announced loosening up on some of the restrictions in place. It seems to me that they are taking it really slow and watching to see how it goes, which I think is a good thing, the whole learn from other’s mistakes and all that. Previously they had re-opened the provincial and municipal trails but that was pretty much it. That was more than a few weeks ago I believe, to be completely honest time seems to be both standing still and racing forward and the weeks seem to bleed into one another at the moment.

Starting yesterday they are allowing two households to join up (two household “bubbles” is the term, I am not sure if this is a Canadianism or not) to hang out at one house or the other without social distancing providing that they are mutually exclusive and do not join up with more than one household. There are still fines for violating social distancing in place and will be for a while I’m sure. It seems multiple provinces are doing this now. Which is good. I think. Honestly, I don’t know anymore.

Overall, I feel as if both Edward and I have been handling the whole COVID-19 situation okay considering, It’s everything else that we haven’t been handling well. This has been 5 months of pure hell for everyone I know, for everyone who lives in my province or has any connection with it and some of that hell is a little personal. I had some major issues with depression and anxiety even before this hit with COVID-19. It’s no wonder though. It started with the car accident in October and spiraled from there. If you had asked me at the end of 2019 if I thought 2020 could be any worse than the end of 2019 I would have said no. And I would have been so so wrong. Yet, there have been some really great times thrown in there as well. Some real breakthroughs for me as well.

This was taken last year when we were camping on my parent’s property.

I am looking forward to going to the beach. I don’t even have to worry about crowds as we have beachfront property access on the St Mary’s Bay. This is something I am looking forward to, it keeps me going, keeps us going, keeps us all going. I have never gone swimming there (not on that side but I have on the side of Digby Neck), just gone walking when the tide was out in the wet sand. It was one thing I really enjoyed about last summer and I am looking forward to it again. We can camp, we can swim, wade, walk, and beachcomb. I have never loved Nova Scotia more then I do right now and I have loved it here since day one. I will love it to my very last breath I imagine.

My parents seem to be dealing with everything for the most part as well. It’s been hard for everyone, my brother especially. My mom is in good spirits and was keeping herself busy knitting and with crafts and DIY projects. My dad has had a harder time, mostly because of pain and weakness from a herniated disk and pinched nerve in his back. He is awaiting surgery for it. No telling when that will happen, but he has been gardening when he can, cleaning up down at the beach and camp (about a 1km walk from the house through woods behind the backyard) and just generally switching between puttering around and trying to stay active and sleeping and resting when he needs too. Other than that it’s hard to tell with him. He keeps things to himself, always has. He’s loving and caring, but just likes his privacy and doesn’t complain much.

They were both excited to see me yesterday and today. Mom and I bought a Cricut Explore Air 2 yesterday and we played around with it a bit yesterday and today. We did the above glass as a test just to see what we could do with it, my parents are renewing their vows next year down at the beach and my cousin who owns the property is planning it (she lives in Connecticut) and mom and I are going to make her dress and all the decorations. We did everything for our wedding as well. I absolutely love the Cricut. There is so much you can do with it!

That’s been our weekend mostly. I felt bad for Edward because he worked both days, he’s off tomorrow though, it’s Victoria Day, a holiday in most provinces. He’s also off Thursday and then this coming Saturday as well. We are going to spend some time with mom and dad and my brother tomorrow and on Saturday we were planning on going to a local trail for a hike as it’s something we can actually do now, all day-use provincial parks are open so long as we still distance when we come into contact with anyone. It’s one we’ve never been to before called Mickey Hill Provincial Park and it’s less than 10 minutes away and it opened for the season yesterday at 8 a.m.

We need to get out after everything going on so far this year. It’s been a bad one, not just COVID-19 but more everything else that’s been going on as I mentioned above. It’s been a devastating year for us, for all of us. I don’t think there is one person that I know that has not been affected by the events since Jan 1st. In January our dentist was killed when her plane was shot down outside Tehran in Iran. Nova Scotia, more specifically Halifax lost a number of people in that incident, mostly professionals and students.

Then after that the events in April with the mass murder in Portapique in which someone with ties to our family was killed as well as 22 other people (I did not know them personally but honestly it was so horrible that everyone is dealing with it) and then the military helicopter crash off of Greece that killed 6 all of which most had a tie to Nova Scotia, some were from here. May 6th and the days and week’s following were devastating again as a 3-year-old from Truro went missing and has not been found and then today, we’ve had another tragedy for the province. One of the Canadian Snowbirds (an aerobatics team) planes crashed during their country-wide tour in support of the victims of the previous 2 incidents I mentioned. It crashed near Kamloops, BC, and one of the pilots was a Nova Scotian from Halifax. It’s just been non-stop.

So, yeah, basically I am done with the first half of 2020. I know it’s not technically till the end of June, but I am done with it now. I am ready to move on and make the rest of the year more positive, find the positives in as much as possible. I am not worried about this as I know I’ve got this, but it’s hard all the same. I just feel like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet and I am falling and falling. I know I am not the only one though and that keeps me going. I know my family and friends and strangers are suffering just as much as I am. COVID-19 is just an added insult to the misery that has been 2020 so far.

And that is why I need to keep looking on the bright side, wherever that is… not really finding it right now sitting here with tears streaming down my face as I think of all this while my husband sleeps on the couch at 1:30 a.m. but whatever, it is what it is. He’s always here for me and me him so I am not worried about that either. We are solid and that brings me some relief. I should really wake him up though and go to bed.

Some small randon ghost stories

My mom got a hold of a local paranormal investigator who has a really good reputation and she had a really long conversation with him about Edith and the hauntings at my parent’s house. He mentioned that instead of inviting whoever is outside in, that they should instead sit down on a quiet night in the living room and invite Edith to come sit with them and talk to them and tell her that they are really interested in helping her and let her know that there appears to be another spirit outside the house walking the grounds and ask her if she knows who he is? Obviously this will likely be a one-sided conversation as we are not expecting her to answer back, but let her know anyway and tell her if she knows who it is and if it is someone she wants to see invite her to go outside to him.

I guess we should say them because even though we feel it’s her husband we don’t know this for sure obviously, so instead of potentially inviting someone who might not have the best of intentions inside the house that they should tell her she can go out if she feels it safe. We obviously don’t really want someone harmful getting in by invitation because then it would be difficult getting them out. Mom said the conversation was sort of surreal and both her and dad said after that they couldn’t believe they were talking about a haunting in such a common way. But honestly how else do you talk about one? I agree with the paranormal investigator 100% and had voiced a similar concern to them as well.

So, because of the conversation, I had with her after and us talking about how my nan, my mom, and I as well as some of my nan’s sisters all have had experiences that maybe we are just more in tune and open to it because we believe. I would not use the term medium or psychic but just open to experiences due maybe to some genetic fact or something like that and so we experience stuff or attract maybe even and so it got us talking more about some of the experience we’ve had and mom was telling me about a story when I was little, plus I have a few smaller stories. I have some longer ones from when we lived in Europe and those eventually deserve their own posts but for now, let me tell you about some of the other ones I have had or been a part of.

When I was about 3 or 4 my mom’s best friend lived in a house that she said was haunted by a ghost of an older man. Mom’s friend had two kids who were just a little younger than me, 3 and 2 I believe a boy and a girl.  Mom said she would bring me over a couple of times a month to babysit the kids when her friend and her husband went out somewhere and mom’s friend would do the same with me and bring her kids over. So this one night we were over there and babysitting her friend’s kids and we were playing in the living room on the floor with some toys and mom was watching tv and talking with us kids. The little boy took out one of those fisher-price corn popper toys like the picture below.

He was running around downstairs with it and making a lot of noise and screaming and he came around the living room through the kitchen and then back out into the living room and it was all fairly smooth wood flooring. There was no flooring transition strips or rubber/metal strips if you know what I mean between the rooms as it was all one and just continued. As he came back through the kitchen into the living room mom said it looked like the popper just hit a brick wall and he tumbled over it landing on his feet. He was in pj’s she said but they were not too long and did not have feet. He was giggling she said and said: “the man doesn’t like it”. So when her friend got home mom described what happened her friend went white and said: “yeah, no he doesn’t like it and that’s happened before and no matter how much we try my husband and I can not recreate it only happens when he is playing with it” and she said that he would do other things sometimes when they kids were too loud like banging drawers out in the kitchen or turning things off like the tv when they were watching it.

Yet at the same time, he would tuck the kids in at night! And apparently saved the little girl from falling down the basement stairs. The kids sometimes when the parents came up to tuck them in would look like they had already been tucked in and would say “It’s okay mommy (or daddy) the man already tucked us in and we said our prayers” and the little girl was leaning against a wall near the basement stairs which had a door one day when we were visiting and she was talking to her brother in the way that toddlers do and she was inching her way towards the door, she leaned up against it and it apparently hadn’t been latched and opened and she started to fall and we watched as her shirt tented looking like someone had grabbed her by it and pulled her back onto her feet and the door swung shut behind her. Those were the first experiences that I can remember.

My mom told of a similar but scarier story when she was younger (a toddler) living in a house in Weymouth that had a trap door in the floor (their house now has one as well, was quite common here in those days) and every time she went near the door it would swing open. Now, these things are heavy! The need to be unlatched and pulled upward and usually swung to the side and then lowered to the ground and she said her mom said that it happened almost every time she was in the room except when company was there. After that my grandfather and nan tried to keep mom out of the room but she said it was like someone was drawing her back there so they moved. They were terrified she would fall down the stairs and get hurt or worse.

My last two stories are about when my nan died and when her sister died. Nan died first back in the early 2000s and I was living in Fredericton, New Brunswick with my ex-boyfriend right out of high school. We had been there a year or so and had moved into a small apartment that had a small bedroom directly off the living room. I was taking a nap in the afternoon on a day off work and my ex-was also off work that day and was on his computer in the living room. I woke up from a dream and went and wrote down the poem Footprints In The Sand on a piece of printer paper and handed it to my ex and said nan just passed away.

Now I had seen the poem before in her house but I didn’t know it off by heart and still don’t but I wrote it all down without looking it up. He told me to call mom and I said no she’s going to call me and sure enough within 5 minutes the phone rang and my mom was crying on the other end and I was crying so hard and said I already know and she said yeah she passed about 30 minutes ago. Mom was the one that found her. It was traumatizing for her because of the way she was found but I won’t go into detail.

Lastly when my great aunt, one of my nan’s sisters died both mom and I had the same experience at the same time. She died in the night and both mom and I dreamed of her coming to us and tucking us in and telling us that she was with her parents and brothers and sisters who had passed before her. She was the second last to pass away out of I think 6 or 7 kids. We woke up and called each other and started laughing and crying at the same time. Laughing because we experience the same thing and said it was just what Aunt Marge would have done and crying because we knew it was true and that she had passed. You would think this would be sad and sure there was sad days, weeks and months ahead after each of them but for me the Footprints In The Sand poem was her way of saying that she was walking beside me in the sand all the time. We had a great bond. As for my Aunt again it was comforting knowing that she would always be there to tuck me in at night if I needed her. Both are a cause of great comfort to me and also let me know that I don’t have to fear death.

Am I particularly religious? No. Not at all. If I had to choose a church I would say I most identify with the Anglican faith but I don’t go to church, don’t pray every day, and don’t even fully know or understand my belief or lack thereof in God. I believe that if there is a God he would understand this and not fault me or anyone else for this and would love us all the same and if there isn’t then what does it really matter anyways?