Long long day, busy busy, but oh so fun!

I had the longest, busiest, yet totally great day in a long time. I got up about 8 or so and we had to be at my Aunt Ferne’s about 9 to help her pack all the stuff for her and the two kids (a boy age 5 1/2 and a girl 2 and *some* months) and then move a whole two storey house full of toys, various antiques and valuable breakables, a full sized piano, a bed the size of china and as heavy as the pyramids must be, and about 200-300 boxes of clothing, more toys (oh my fucking god the toys these two children have. If it’s been made in the last 10 years they have 2 or 3… each!), a crib and stuff, a heavy wooden bunk bed set and dressor (mine so was made about 25 years ago so it’s heavy) and god knows what else. Oh I think the fridge as well as the contents of it and freezer went! Oh probably kitchen sink to why not… they took the freakin dishwasher! So yeah pack and move all of that in one day. Not start the day before… no lets wait till the day we move. And then move it to new house with movers that don’t know which side of the dolly is up. And unpack wash everything and put away in new house (haven’t finished that yet gave up and took kids home here so she and her friend can get some done without them underfoot. Oh right forgot… Might as well leave 3 hyper children (2 under 5, 1 still in diapers and taking a bottle!) with Kirsten while she unpacks and washes by hand the umteen thousand or so dishes and puts them away. Cleans kitchen and bathroom with a J cloth and Dawn and do this all alone. Whilst everyone else is at old house loading the furnature. But you know what? I had a ball! I had the greatest time! I mean it’s not like they weren’t working too hell they all were (well except the f*in movers who had the gall to ask us to take them to McD’s?!?! before they started..) I’m impressed though my Uncle came and helped out a great deal. He did as much work as everyone else and not one complaint. Not that he should be complaining it’s his ex wife and his kids after all… But yeah back to me… I loved it. I loved being around Robyn and Liam. Towards the end Robyn and I cuddled in the rocking chair with a blanket and she fell asleep. It felt so right.

(will be adding more to this in a bit or another entry… just thinking some and relaxing first… should be tonight for sure though)

I need to go back to work

I’m really not enjoying this at all. I’m bored to death. I had all these plans for things to do with this 2 weeks. I was going to check out some collages and courses. Volunteer. Meet People. Have I done any of it at all? No… ‘course not. That would be just waaay to easy. I did go see Jackie today. She’s either a Social worker or some sort of therapist. Not sure which. But she wants me to think of some interests like writting, photography, or even walking. So that I can join some groups and clubs and stuff so I can get out and meet people.

Which is all fine and dandy and whatever but you know what? My birthday is in 7 days. And I’m alone. I have Brad who is not even in the city so he’s out. And Tara H and that’s all besides my family. I want to spend my birthday with either a bunch of friends… or someone special. Ok I know where that ones going… Yes I know I’m special (yada yada yada) but I mean someone else! I just want one birthday to be special for once in my life. Not a time to be alone or to be at funeral or to be thinking about it… I want my birthday to be my day for once. I know it’s selfish but damn it it’s my fucking birthday. Why should I have to entertain myself?? I will be working my birthday so I suppose I’m not gonna be alone but I booked Saturday off to do something with someone… not that that’s gonna happen *sigh*.

Ok enough. So like the new layout? It’s all about Avril baby! Lol. I love that song. “Fall To Pieces”. Which of course I’m listening to right now. It’s the inspiration for this. I love this part: [...]  READ MORE

Still have my job

Well if nothing else it seems I still have my job. Bethany called to make sure I have my schedule for my first week back. I work tuesday to friday 9:30-7. But really what good is my job when I’ve lost just about everything else. I pretty much have only 2 friends and one doesn’t even live here so he only counts online and the off chance I get to see him. But at least he’ll always be here for me that’s one thing about Brad no matter what happens he has been here through everything and I never really gave him the credit for that. He’s been here from me since I was 16 and him 17, in grade 11. Probably the longest running friend I’ve ever had. That I’m still in contact with.

Then there is Tara H and no matter what she’ll always be here for me too. She’s my best online friend. We’ve met once just recently so hopefuly it’ll become a real life friendship too. You guys mean the world to me I hope you both know that. Everyone else in my life other then my mom, dad, brother and aunt just come and go. None care enough to stick around long. I’m just to much for them I guess. My Nan was there for me and my Gramp before they died and I miss them like hell. And I miss my friends that passed before thier time. They may have been friends that would have lasted but we’ll never know will we? Why do kids have to die? Doesn’t He relize how much it hurts those of us left behind? Then again why does anyone need to die. Ya, I know… no need to tell me. I get it.

Last night I was feeling so much better. Instead of being hurt, heart-broken, and crushed I just felt mad and annoyed. Now thinking about it all again I feel hurt again. You know what? Not all of this was my fault. Yes I could have handled it better but I didn’t and I can’t go back and change it so why should I continue to pay for my mistakes. I’m sure he doesn’t care one bit. I’m sure she doesn’t care. They have other people. I have no one. I don’t wanna say that I do have a few people. But it’s just not the same. I want more. I want my life back. [...]  READ MORE