Ok so looking back on the last few posts I realized something. I do know one thing that has really been bothering me. I just don’t want to admit it. This could come out wrong. And it might make things worse for me not better. But I need to say it anyways.
Ok so one thing really bothering me… it’s an image most girls (women, I have a hell of a time thinking of myself as a woman… not gonna analyze that one) my age are trying to get away from. But what do I want more then anything in life? A career? No. An education? A priority yes but not the top of the list one. What I want is a family. I want marriage, kids, the whole works. I know I’ve mention this before in some way or another. And I know it’s not something that’ll happen anytime soon. But I don’t feel like it’ll ever happen. I don’t want to marry someone unless I have known them a long time and love them so much I can’t be without them. And to me that kinda love seems like something that has to grow upon.
Sure I believe in love at first sight. Oddly enough I do. But I think it would be something that would take years to come about (marriage). I’m 25 now. I always envisioned myself with kids and a family at the same age as my mom. I passed that already. By the time it happens. If it happens. Well it just feels like it wont. And I have been told by just about “everyone” not to hurry it. I have my whole life ahead of me. So why do I feel the need so bad right now? Is it just that I want to be loved so much I’ll take it anyway it’s delivered. Good or bad. And yes there is bad love. Loving someone who treats you like shit for example. I’ve been there. I’m sure lots of people have. But I just wanted to be loved so bad and to love so bad I didn’t care. [...]