The job hunt & school

The photo has nothing to do with this blog post by the way. I just wanted to use one of my own photos for once. So far the job hunt is going okay. I hate the outbound call center stuff that I am doing from home plus they keep taking hours away as they are not busy at all and I have barely worked. I had applied to a bunch of other jobs at the same time as well as since getting it.

The day before yesterday I had an interview with one of the places I had applied to and it seems I may have gotten the job! It’s also working from home and was listed as “Transcriptionist” and basically it’ll be working for a company and taking inventory for moving companies from videos that were taken to determine what was needed for the moving job. So basically watch the video, listen to everything said but at the same time also take stock of what is shown as well unless told specifically not to and determine what the company will need to show up with on moving day.

A lot of big moving companies do it this way. I remember as a kid when we were moving each time Dad was posted somewhere either Dad taking our home video camera (this was before the days of digital) and filming the house or apartment we were in room by room or sometimes someone from the moving company would come a week or two ahead of time and do it. I remember loving to follow them around and seeing what they were up to. I remember trying to guess ourselves. Mom and Dad always made a game out of it. Something to distract me from moving to another province or country I guess but it usually worked.

Anyways, since I have been doing closed captioning on videos for some time now freelancing and also some freelance transcription work I am pretty sure I am going to enjoy this job. There will also be an opportunity for me to be cross-trained and take customer service and/or appointment booking calls as well. I don’t mind this so much as it’s no so call center-ish, more like a virtual assistant type job. I will be starting most likely on March 23rd as long as she gets the approval from the owner of the company and it’s a small company based in Ontario that is starting to grow fast it seems:) so that’s also good.

In the meantime, I am just doing freelance transcription and captioning through mostly just two different sites. I am not bringing in a lot but every penny counts and I am really loving it, to be honest. It just further cements me wanting to work from home while in school. I am saving up the money to apply. I have about half of it so far. My goals is by the end of next week to apply. There are still a few things I need to do. I need to update my last name for my Alberta Student Number as I was in school in Alberta back in the 90’s and have gotten married since then so I need to send them a copy of my marriage certificate next week.

Apparently I also have to update my info with Revenue Canada as well as somewhere years ago someone accidentally typed my name wrong into the system as Kirston and now it seems to be on some of my stuff coming from them and Kirsten on the rest of it. So I have to go through the process of faxing them my ID for them to update it. Again I will do that next week as well. So far though things are moving in the right direction and I am extremely happy about it. It’s a step in the right direction.

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What about love…

Ok so looking back on the last few posts I realized something. I do know one thing that has really been bothering me. I just don’t want to admit it. This could come out wrong. And it might make things worse for me not better. But I need to say it anyways.

Ok so one thing really bothering me… it’s an image most girls (women, I have a hell of a time thinking of myself as a woman… not gonna analyze that one) my age are trying to get away from. But what do I want more then anything in life? A career? No. An education? A priority yes but not the top of the list one. What I want is a family. I want marriage, kids, the whole works. I know I’ve mention this before in some way or another. And I know it’s not something that’ll happen anytime soon. But I don’t feel like it’ll ever happen. I don’t want to marry someone unless I have known them a long time and love them so much I can’t be without them. And to me that kinda love seems like something that has to grow upon.

Sure I believe in love at first sight. Oddly enough I do. But I think it would be something that would take years to come about (marriage). I’m 25 now. I always envisioned myself with kids and a family at the same age as my mom. I passed that already. By the time it happens. If it happens. Well it just feels like it wont. And I have been told by just about “everyone” not to hurry it. I have my whole life ahead of me. So why do I feel the need so bad right now? Is it just that I want to be loved so much I’ll take it anyway it’s delivered. Good or bad. And yes there is bad love. Loving someone who treats you like shit for example. I’ve been there. I’m sure lots of people have. But I just wanted to be loved so bad and to love so bad I didn’t care.

I took the possessiveness and abuse as love. Why? Well it’s not all I’ve known luckily. I have a loving family. I’ve had (and have) people who truly care about me and/or love me. But I just feel it’s not the same. I want that *one* special person. I want to be that one special person. More then anything in the world. I want to experience it. I know… it’ll happen one day. But it doesn’t happen to everyone. You can’t tell me it does. It doesn’t. What if I’m one of those people it’s never gonna happen too?

Why do I want to be loved so damn bad? Why do I want to love so damn bad?

I know posting lyrics to a favorite song that you feel you relate to is way overused and overrated. But I don’t care!

My December

This is my December
This is my time of the
year
This is my December
This is all so clear
This is my
December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me
alone

And I
Just wish that
I didn’t feel
Like there
was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To
make you
Feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn’t feel
Like
there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the
Things I said
to you

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go
to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

This is my
December
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is
all I need

And I
Just wish that
I didn’t feel
Like there
was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To
make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn’t feel
Like
there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the things
I said
to you

And I give it all away
Just to have
Somewhere to go
to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

This is my
December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so
clear

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go
to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

And I give
it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have
someone
To come home to

why does no one listen to me?

I think I may have finaly gotten my point through. That putting me. A 25 year old female just starting her “adult life” (or any other girl or even guy for that matter that is younger then 25) in a group of mostly women who are all over 35 most going through divorse and divorse being a large topic in the group. You can’t put someone who’s still feeling out realationships and dating and shit in that group! They don’t realize how much it has destroyed my faith in marriage, and realationships in general. I feel like I got nothing out of that group. They wanted me to participate more. But what was the point. The people in that group have no fucking idea what I’m going through right now. As I have no fucking idea what they are going through. We’re in a totally different place in the world. My mom is pissed. She says it wasn’t fair and wasn’t right and that it’s not fair I get “punished” by Jacqueline for not participating in something that was making me come home feeling like it just wasn’t worth the effort because I’d end up in the same place in 20 years. When it comes to depression you need to do group therapy by age as well as “topic”. I should have been in a group of people closer to my own age who were dealing with issues similar to mine. No matter how trivial they might seem to someone 45 going through divorse or whatever. It wasn’t fair to me. It wasn’t fair to the other people in the group. I left feeling worse then when I started 10 weeks ago.

The only thing good that came from it was I met people who care. Reguardless of the fact that we are dealing with totally different things they care and they feel for me the same as I feel for them. But I can’t really be of much help to them anymore then they can to me. And the other good thing was that I think Terry and Catherine figured out it wasn’t the best thing for me. That it was “their” mistake this time not mine. But how many times do I have to beat my head against the fucking wall before they realize it’s not helping me. Who the fuck other then me would know it’s not helping. If I say it’s not helping. It’s NOT fucking helping me! Why should I be punished for it… Or at least feel like I’m being punished for it. It’s not my fault that nothing is geared towards people 18-25 and 25-35, etc.

I feel kinda let down…