We had a doctors appointment on Wednesday. Eddie doesn’t have a family doctor so I asked mine to take him on. Dr. H said yes. We discussed trying to conceive and he agreed that after 9 months we should be starting to do some testing on both Eddie and I to see if there is anything wrong, any reason we haven’t conceived yet since we are trying quite regularly, at least every second day.
He is starting with Edward as he said it is much easier testing him then it is me. So we are officially starting testing as well which I am happy but scared about. I am terrified it is going to come back that one of us is not fertile. I am more concerned about myself them him as I am really sure he is not the issue. A feeling or intuition I’m not sure. I just think I am the cause of the trouble.
I know in the scheme of things that 8 or 9 months is not very long but I am just scared. My mom had so many miscarriages before they adopted my brother and I remember how hard it was on her and them both and I just am so scared of going through that.
You look at a friend who gets pregnant after trying for a month or two and sometimes you can’t help but being jealous and frustrated sometimes. I have had a number of friends like that. Right now my best fried is pregnant after having a miss carriage a few months ago. I know how hard that was on her and her boyfriend and I am so glad she is doing well this time. But sometimes I just wonder why can’t I even get pregnant. It’s not even a case of miscarrying. I just can’t seem to period.
We have not had time to go to the adoption orientation session or set up the training and with the hours we work it almost seems impossible as they are all in the evening. Even that seems to be going no where right now. Maybe it’s better to wait till after we are married to look into adoption seriously anyways. I don’t really know. I guess we will see.