If you want to read the whole story and have not yet see these three posts: Last 2 Weeks In a Nutshell, Round Two and Getting There, and I am sorry they are quite lengthy but they tell the whole story…
Tomorrow is Monday and I will not be going back to work yet. I am waiting for the results of my chest x-ray. I took the day off to make an appointment with my doctor to go over the results. Hopefully they will be back by 2:20 pm when my appointment is.
I am still coughing till I throw up or feel like I am going to pass out or both. I have been running a low grade fever and more stuff that I don’t really want to talk about
I have never felt so overwhelmingly tired. I took a shower yesterday afternoon (Cory was not around earlier and I did not want to risk it without him nearby), which while I was in it felt so nice, the warm water helped sooth me and made me feel like I could breath easier. It did not last long though, once out of the shower and just standing in a towel in the bathroom I suddenly felt overwhelmingly like I was going to cough, I did and almost went face first on the floor. It was so stuffy in there and I could not breath at all.
Once I got out I struggled to dry my hair as much as I could while struggling through 5 minute long coughing fits. By the time I was done and dressed I was exhausted. I laid down about 3 pm on the couch, turned the TV on and fell asleep for a few hours. I woke up coughing.
I barely ate anything all day, mostly ice cream, a chocolate shake and some water and freezies. I am just not hungry at all, but I am trying to stay hydrated. I just feel like hell.
I am anxious to get back to work but at the same time dreading it. Leaving by ambulance on Wednesday was really embarrassing to me. I hate the idea of people talking about it behind my back. I hate answering questions about how I am doing and feeling. I don’t know why I am embarrassed but I am. I am really stressing about it.
But if I do not go back to work soon I am going to loose all the work I have put into trying to move my way up in the company (I know for a fact that there will be a coaching position open within a few months time and I really want it), and also the debt that I have been able to pay off, I do not want to be back in a bad position, not with the new car and everything.
I just want everything back to normal and that does not look like it is going to happen anytime soon.
Cory has been complaining he is not feeling well yesterday and today too. I really hope he does not end up with whatever it is that I have. That’s all we need. I am concerned about him and about myself.
When I went to bed last night (my turn in the bed, since we can not really sleep together well right now). I actually started crying and missing my Mom. I feel so much like a really sick little kid that needs her Mommy. I just want this all to be over.