We talked some last night on MSN…

So I told him last night when I got home from work. Told him basically that what I was worried about before about me becoming “attached” might be a problem. That the more time I spent with him the more I came to care about him. And obviously the casual sex didn’t help. Especially since it just seemed so damn different from any other time. I really thought (even still think) that he feels something too. I’m not completly sure but I think maybe he does like me (as more then friends that is) but for some reason doesn’t want to act on it. I could definetly be wrong. And really nothing is resolved. I’m just as confused as in the begining but at least I brought it up and let him know my feelings right?

Please tell me I’m right lol. It’s so damn annoying and confusing. Anyone who see’s us together thinks were a couple. My mother even thought so. She says she’s sure he cares about me a lot. And I’m sure he does as a friend but not so sure as something else. I wish I had the nerve to ask him right out exactly what he feels. I don’t want to know what he wants. That’s fairly obvious. I want to know what he feels.

I tried to hint around last night while talking on MSN but I didn’t want to come right out and ask him. I’m to shy to ask right out. And I don’t know how else to find out since he’s just not giving me what I want to know. Maybe I’ll have to just give in and ask him right out what he feels for me.

He didn’t say never. He actually said “well, things *can* change. perhaps we should spend a little time apart? let things settle a bit” when I said “ok well it’s about “keeping you posted” on my feelings… basically the more i’m around you the more I like you. i was worried about getting to “emotionally” involved and I am… but if you didn’t feel the same way then nothing would have changed and even if you did nothing really would change”… my reply was “well yes technically they can change but even if you felt the same i wouldn’t want to change. i’m not ready for anything more then just being friends at the moment. i need a friend more then i need anything else…” and “if you want to spend time apart then i guess so…” his reply was “I was just suggesting it for your own benefit…” to which I said nah I was ok… which was somewhat a lie but I’m just so scared of loosing him as a friend that I want to be careful.

I seem to just drift apart from my friends which to me hurts more then a fight. At least with a fight there is a reason. But when people stop talking to you and contacting you and you try to keep up the friendship but they don’t. When do you give in and accept fate. I guess I still have so much to learn.

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