What do I want to do with my life?

[responsivevoice_button voice=”US English Female” buttontext=”Listen to this post”]

Image Credit: Mudassar Iqbal from Pixabay

A lot has happened in the last month. I have not felt much like posting or doing anything really. I have been really struggling with a lot of stuff. The good news is we have our car back we got it just before Christmas. I am driving again and doing well with it and starting to enjoy it again. I am pretty much back to where I was pre-accident during the day when driving. At night however is still a whole other story. I driven quite a bit at night to pick Edward up but I am so nervous. I figure though that I just need to do it and eventually I will gain that confidence back. I am doing well in that respect.

As for the anxiety and depression I was put on Cymbalta and it is helping. I am now at 60mg and the side effects are low and tolerable. Mostly dry mouth. I am not sleeping at all but wasn’t before starting it so it’s not from the Cymbalta. I am really struggling with being restless at night and being in pain and uncomfortable. I started physio as I mentioned in a previous post but only got to do a few sessions. I had applied again for short-term on the advise of my employer and my doctor but was denied. Short-term in denying me did suggest a gradual return to work so they set that up.

It did not go very well, quite horrible actually. I was actually excited and happy to go back but a little scared on how I would handle it but either way I showed up at about 12:30 for my 1 pm shift. Used the washroom and then was in the lunch room when the branch’s assistant manager (there is no branch manager at that location just an assistant as it is so small) requested I come into her office to talk about my return. I went in and the community manager was sitting there as well.

I am not going to go into great detail but essentially I am now unemployed I was really upset. They bullied me into quitting. They ganged up on me and made me feel really uncomfortable, made me upset and made me cry and start to panic and then when they had me right where they wanted me they pressured me into quitting. They essentially made me feel that if I did not quit they would fire me and advised me of the consequences of that happening (ie. no way to claim EI, looks bad on me, etc.) and eventually after a humiliating and very uncomfortable conversation I really felt I had no other option. So I eventually agreed.

Initially I refused to quit but they just kept at me and telling me that it was for my own good and that I was not fit to come back yet and since I was not approved for short term I had to make a decision on how I wanted it to go. Without outright saying it they made it very clear I was not staying and not going to be starting work. What else was I supposed to do?

I drove home in a snow storm in tears on the phone with my husband while he tried to calm me down. I was so upset. After talking further to him and telling him what was said, the atmosphere, etc and then talking to my parents as well they all suggested that it was discrimination and that they did not want to deal with me because they did not want to deal with panic attacks, depression, etc. They convinced me to contact the labour board. I did but because I had not yet been there 12 months they could not do anything but they did suggest I contact the Canadian Human Rights Commission so I did.

The woman at the Canadian Human Rights Commission listed to me and agreed that I had a valid complaint and that it was something they could help with and directed me to file a complaint online which I did. I received an email saying that they were taking it to the next step and starting to officially review it.

You may be wondering about the title of this blog post and the image. Well, this has opened up a lot of things. Being the end of January there are literally very few jobs at the moment. I have applied for EI and provided them all the details in hopes they will approve me until I am able to find a job. I have applied to a bunch but was really unsure what I really wanted to do. I am kind of soured towards banking now and don’t want to work for another bank.

I want a change of scenery and honestly I want to go back to school. That opened up the question “What do I want to do with my life?” and what kinds of things can I do around here that pay decent. I am not looking for a high 5 figure income that would be unlikely here. I am looking to find something I will really enjoy and make a difference in peoples lives. One thing I always come back to is I want to work with children and I have a special spot for children with disabilities because of my brother.

I am really hoping to be able to go back to school and take something that will get me working with kids with disabilities both physical and/or mental. I am willing to take whatever job in the meantime will help support us while I do that. I am going to apply to a college or university (still looking into programs) for the fall and apply for a student loan. I have no idea if I can get one but I am going to try.

12 thoughts on “What do I want to do with my life?

  1. My goodness, Kirsten, that seems unreal to me that they threatened you like that and made you quit!!! I’m glad you did that complaint. Beyond belief that they treated you like that.
    Being forced to do something else can be a good thing, given you still have some sort of income of course. I hope all goes well and that you’ll find some good university program to do!
    I’m also glad you are doing better with the anxiety and things after your accident – after your last posts, I was a bit worried about you.

    1. Yeah I was mad beyond belief when I got home and thought about it. At the time I was just so flustered and frustrated and confused that I just wanted to get away from the situation but now I realize how wrong it was of them.

      Thanks for the concern. I was getting a bit concerned about myself as well. I had gone to my family doctor and he refused to put me on anything or refer me to anyone so I took it upon myself to go to the ER and they ended up helping me and getting me on something and Eddie watched me closely.

      I am feeling a lot better now. The income thing sucks cause I currently have none and we have no medical benefits or drug plan now which is a concern being diabetic but I am sure we will figure something out. I am actually feeling more hopeful then I was last week.

  2. I have been bullied into quitting as well. I was too scared to stand up for myself and I regret it. But I also feel like if that’s the environment, I don’t want to be there. I found work elsewhere, and while I couldn’t stay because of child care expenses, I at least have hope that not all work is like that. For some work is their whole life, and others can’t quit. So I feel very lucky.

    It sounds like you have support and are forming a plan. I wish you good luck!

    1. I totally agree with you there. I do not want to be working for a company that does not respect me or treat me well. I am excited to be starting work today from home for a new company. Hopefully it turns out well

  3. That’s horrible. I hate when places do that, ready to gang up on you. I’ve had similar experiences.

    Honestly you’re probably better off away from there. A sad fact is not many people understand anxiety or depression. I deal with both myself, so I know how it can feel.

    I hope you’re feeling better and doing okay.

    1. Thanks Megan. I am starting to do better. It’s been a rough few months but I am getting through it. It’s true that a lot of people don’t understand depression and anxiety. And even those that do don’t always get it as it is so different for everyone. I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel though so that’s good.

  4. Hopefully, the Canadian Human Rights Commission is able to do something about this because that is not okay. If that company was a franchise than you can always reach out to the higher-ups in the company or even social media. What the assistant manager and community manager did was discrimination and they shouldn’t be allowed to keep their jobs. They sound like they made that a bad environment for you and others to work in. A change in scenery sounds like it would be good, and I wish you luck

    1. Thanks Tiffany. The Human Rights Commission has sent them a letter with the “allegations” and they have so long to respond, just waiting for that. I got a copy of the letter. Not sure what happens next. I agree that they should not be allowed to keep their jobs but I know not much is going to likely come of it. I agree a change in scenery sounds good at the moment.

  5. That seems absolutely awful, I can’t believe people treat other people like that. That’s really horrendous and I’m sorry that you had to go through it.

    It seems like it would be really good for you to go to school though – the lists would be endless with what you could do then! Would you go into something to be a social worker or something? Or a youth carer, or maybe a midwife if you’d be interested in that sort of thing? They would all be really good for helping other people in their own lives for sure. I hope it gets better xx

    1. Thank you for your kind words Amy. I have an appointment on Thursday to talk to a career councilor about going back to school at Nova Scotia Works which is like a free government funded career connections type place for adults. I am hoping something good comes out of it.

  6. I am so sorry that happened to you! It is definitely discrimination and it angered me reading it. I suppose the bright side of it all is that it started to make you think about what you wanted to do with your life and set you on that path. I’m not a firm believer in coincidence but what happened was likely for the best. I surely would not want to continue to work for a company that bullies their employees into doing things they don’t want to do. I read something on social media a while ago that said we put a lot of time and effort into jobs and careers that do not make us happy nor do they care about our general well being. It is something I wholeheartedly agree with, at least if we’re going to have to face these things in the work force, we should be doing something that we love, because it kind of makes it all worth it. I hope that you can have your issues resolved soon. With the way things went for you, I have high hopes that the odds will be in your favor. You will come out on top.

    1. Thank you Shannon. I agree with you about looking on the bright side. It’s time for a change. I am going to get some career and other counselling to see if I can find something that I can handle both physically and mentally right now. It’s so true about putting a lot of time and effort into careers that do not make us happy or that they do not care about us. It’s time to find something I love and that is not just a career but find something that I would love to do even if I was not getting paid for it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *