I am having such a shitty time right now. It doesn’t even feel like Christmas to me. I feel so overwhelmed. All these Christmas shows on TV and all the commercials are really the only thing that make me even realize it is Christmas time. All I really want to do is hide myself under the blankets and only come up for air once in a while.
It doesn’t help that neither of us are feeling well. I am so disappointed. Things were starting to go well. But now with my dentist appointments I am back in debt for almost $1000. I know it does not seem like much but it is when you can’t pay it and it is Christmas and it is waying on your mind. I feel like hell and things are just not going anywhere near what I had planned.
I’m so stressed out over work. I have not felt this kind of stress about work in a long time. However because I am sick I have missed a lot of time. However at the same time if I come to work sick they don’t like it. I worked a week with no voice taking emails and was told it was fine as there was plenty of email in the bin. Wednesday I ended up having to log into the phones even though I warned the coach that I doubted I would make it through a call.
Of course I got one and he could not hear me and I was straining to talk. So after someone else ended up taking the call I basically got told to go home and don’t come back till I am feeling better. It really made me angry. I can’t help that I keep getting sick. I actually went home on Wednesday and back to the doctors and was told I have Bronchitis and strep throat.
I am stuck, I have no vacation time saved up so I can not take vacation. I have no voice still and can not work but if I call in sick it counts against me. My family doctor is booked through the end of next week and the doctor I saw at the clinic would not give me more then 2 days off.
I’m really actually angry at my work. I thought about it a lot and I am not sure what else they want me to do. I have been there 3 years. I have given it my all and can’t do much more. This is not going to get better. I get sick a lot. I can’t think of anything else I can do to keep myself healthy other then living in a bubble.
On top of that there is a temporary coach position open at work. I am working on the coach work book. I have it all done but one thing that I just can not figure out how to do. I’ve done it before but my head is so clogged I can not think strait. I have NO confidence about getting the job this time. I’ll be lucky if I have a job period in a few weeks.
I don’t know if it is the Fibromyalgia that is making me so susceptible to colds, flus, bronchitis, etc. But I am at the end of what I can deal with. I honestly don’t know what I am going to do if my voice is not back Monday morning. All I know is I feel like I am sinking faster then I can swim.
I also think part of my problem with Christmas this year is not having my family close by. Last year I was able to take some time off and visit them and was there over Christmas. This year I will not see them now again until after Christmas and it killing me.
Between work, not seeing my family and being sick. I just can’t wait for this holiday to be over. I just want to hide in bed. Which is exactly what I am about to do.