Winter blues

I am having such a shitty time right now. It doesn’t even feel like Christmas to me. I feel so overwhelmed. All these Christmas shows on TV and all the commercials are really the only thing that make me even realize it is Christmas time. All I really want to do is hide myself under the blankets and only come up for air once in a while.

It doesn’t help that neither of us are feeling well. I am so disappointed. Things were starting to go well. But now with my dentist appointments I am back in debt for almost $1000. I know it does not seem like much but it is when you can’t pay it and it is Christmas and it is waying on your mind. I feel like hell and things are just not going anywhere near what I had planned.

I’m so stressed out over work. I have not felt this kind of stress about work in a long time. However because I am sick I have missed a lot of time. However at the same time if I come to work sick they don’t like it. I worked a week with no voice taking emails and was told it was fine as there was plenty of email in the bin. Wednesday I ended up having to log into the phones even though I warned the coach that I doubted I would make it through a call.

Of course I got one and he could not hear me and I was straining to talk. So after someone else ended up taking the call I basically got told to go home and don’t come back till I am feeling better. It really made me angry. I can’t help that I keep getting sick. I actually went home on Wednesday and back to the doctors and was told I have Bronchitis and strep throat.

I am stuck, I have no vacation time saved up so I can not take vacation. I have no voice still and can not work but if I call in sick it counts against me. My family doctor is booked through the end of next week and the doctor I saw at the clinic would not give me more then 2 days off.

I’m really actually angry at my work. I thought about it a lot and I am not sure what else they want me to do. I have been there 3 years. I have given it my all and can’t do much more. This is not going to get better. I get sick a lot. I can’t think of anything else I can do to keep myself healthy other then living in a bubble.

On top of that there is a temporary coach position open at work. I am working on the coach work book. I have it all done but one thing that I just can not figure out how to do. I’ve done it before but my head is so clogged I can not think strait. I have NO confidence about getting the job this time. I’ll be lucky if I have a job period in a few weeks.

I don’t know if it is the Fibromyalgia that is making me so susceptible to colds, flus, bronchitis, etc. But I am at the end of what I can deal with. I honestly don’t know what I am going to do if my voice is not back Monday morning. All I know is I feel like I am sinking faster then I can swim.

I also think part of my problem with Christmas this year is not having my family close by. Last year I was able to take some time off and visit them and was there over Christmas. This year I will not see them now again until after Christmas and it killing me.

Between work, not seeing my family and being sick. I just can’t wait for this holiday to be over. I just want to hide in bed. Which is exactly what I am about to do.


8 thoughts on “Winter blues

  1. Girl, I’m so sorry you are feeling so bad and for everything that is going on. As for getting sick, maybe you could try taking vitamins, zinc, echinacea?
    And keep taking the Symbicort to protect the airways. And maybe use a hand desinfectant. At least over here there are tiny hand desinfectant spray or gel bottles you can keep in the pocket or handbag. Colds and strep bacteria all spread via hands. The only thing I can think of that is airborne is flu virus.

    Being in debt is stressful although it’s about smaller amounts. It’s still something you have to pay and it doesn’t help getting sick a lot.
    Hang in there. Is Cory able to work at least?

    1. Thanks Susanne, I really do need to try taking something to help boost my immune system. I have a multi-vitamin in the cupboard but never remember to take it. I am not sure what I should be doing. Someone mentioned replacing my breakfast with an Ensure or Boost or something to make sure that I am getting lots of vitamins and also cutting back the calories and hopefully helping loose weight while I am at it. But I have heard such mixed opinions on doing that.

      I need to make an appointment with my Family Doctor at a time that I am not sick and not going in with bronchitis, strep throat, etc and when I can just concentrate on talking to him about loosing weight, about fertility and about my FMS and other treatment options. Problem is I just always seem to be sick. Scares me a little.

      I do use a hand disinfectant a lot at work. I have a bottle on my desk and I wipe down my mouse, keyboard, and anything else I touch every day with wipes they have that kill germs. But somehow I seem to get things without even coming into contact with people… or it seems that way at least.

      I still have to deal with my Dentist bill but I know they will not act until I am 3 months behind, they divide it into amounts 30 days past due, 60 days past due and 90 days past due. So I need to make an appointment for after Christmas for the other side of my mouth so I should be able to at least keep paying on it till then and pay it off before 90 days overdue. I think they even said that as long as I was paying something each month they are fine with it. I just hate owing anyone anything now that I have no credit card or student loan dept. Way I look at it car and house are debts that most people have so there is no point worrying about them as long as I am paying them. I just don’t want any other debt. I guess that is not really plausible though…

  2. I am sorry to hear that everything is going so bad at the moment. I think that is horrible that work has been so complicated and that the doctor would only give you two days, that is just stupid. I do hope that things will pick up really soon.

    1. Thanks Kya, I was upset at first but glad that he did that after cause it forced me to go to my own doctor and discuss it with him. I am feeling better today and still have tomorrow off so by Thursday I am hoping I will be feeling a lot better.

  3. Aww I’m sorry to hear you’ve been sick. Everyone here keeps getting sick. My mom ended up in the hospital after a really bad cold. I’ve been sick multiple times this year. Hmmz, if I find anything that helps boost immune systems I’ll be sure to share. Hope things get better.

    xoxo – Arlene

    1. Wow in the hospital? I know that the flu that is going around right now here has put a few people in the hospital. I am glad I did not get that bad. Being in the hospital is scary. I hope she is feeling better?

  4. Sounds like your Winter Blues is really strong.
    I do hope you get well soon and get the coach position.

    I read somewhere that if you’re unhappy in a workplace, it means that the workplace is not suitable for you, and you should look for a new place. I think this helps me a lot because I would feel I have the power to be happy by looking for a new job. I hope that helps you. It seems like you need a new change of environment.

    Being sick sucks. Especially if you have to work. But health is really important, so just focus on getting well then work. If not, it’s going to put a strain on yourself. Use the weekend and just sleep all day and try to get well.

    All in all, I hope everything gets better for you.
    Job, health and financial wise.

    $1000 is a lot of money. I know.

    Lots of hugs and kisses for you!

    1. I have heard that too that if you are unhappy in a workplace, that it is unsuitable for you. Here is the problem though… I love my job. I love the people I work with. I love the people I talk to on the phone. I don’t think it is work itself that is making me unhappy. I guess that I understand why they are getting frustrated with me and my attendance however I just don’t know how to fix it. They understand and for the most part are great but it is me getting frustrated with it because it is stopping me from accomplishing what I want to do there.

      I never miss work because I just don’t feel like going. I only miss when I am really sick. The problem is I am really sick a lot. Which means lots of time missing and that’s what is making me unhappy.

      I think when I wrote this the other day, I went about it in the wrong way. I was mad at work, I was mad at myself. But really what I am mad at is my health. Not me, not work. Its the medical issues I have that are frustrating me and are coming out at work. I just don’t know how to handle it and it gets frustrating.

      I think your right, being healthy is really important and I need to concentrate on that right now. I just get frustrated at being healthy for a while then having a set back, that seems to put all my hard work right out the window. That’s what makes me want to scream.

      I do have plans and eventually I do want a change of environment but not yet. I like it there and after 3 years. I don’t yet feel like I am done there. I just kinda felt like that the other day.

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